How to make divorce easy on children

To say that I am crestfallen is an understatement. My heart feels as if it’s been crushed to pieces. No, it’s not because a man broke my heart (although I would feel as bad). It’s because my 5-year old daughter asked me this: “Mama, why are you and Papa living apart? Can you please get back together?”

It’s the million-dollar question I’ve been dreading her to ask. I guess, she has come of age to know what’s different, as she has been able to compare her family set-up with that of her classmates’. For the first time, I was stumped for an answer. All I could come up with was, “Your Papa and I are apart, because where he lives now is closer to his office, and where you and I live is closer to mine”. I knew she didn’t buy that, but that’s all I can think of. She just fell silent afterwards.

Kids never choose for this to happen. Their parents separating is farthest from their minds. But, when it does happen, a whole lot of emotions come to surface. There’s the inevitable feeling of guilt, as they feel that their parents separated maybe because of something they did. And then, they start feeling different from their peers.

So, how do we parents deal with this? When our kids are in pain, we feel it a hundredfold. What we could do, is just to keep assuring them that whatever has happened, is not of their doing. And that we love them even if things didn’t work out between mom and dad.

It’s never easy…but with our constant love and attention, kids of divorced parents will grow up just fine.

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About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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Comments

  1. loraine says:

    Lexie is a bright girl. She’ll understand :) And I believe in your mother-power, she will grow up just fine like you said :)

  2. mommy jes says:

    aw I can imagine how sad your kids are ….if I am in that situation for sure my kids can’t take that easily.

  3. gie santos says:

    yay peps, that is indeed a very hard thing to explain to kids and who knows what else. but i believe lexie is just as strong as you are and yes they will definitely grow up ok as long as she is guided the right way and choose the right kinds of peers. god bless you both. :)

  4. Trish says:

    when the kids are affected, that really is the saddest part. be strong – God will always guide you to be the best mother and guide for your child. :)

  5. Visiting you from TBE.

    God bless you in your single parenting journey. I do understand your predicament, although I am from a happy family, I have a sister with the same predicament as yours…always be strong….

  6. Jason Pines says:

    I believe lexie is as strong as you will be and yes they should definitely grow up ok providing she is guided the proper way. When the small children are affected, that really is the saddest section, God Bless you both.

  7. I totally agree with you. With constant love and attention, kids will be fine. They have to be taught how to be constructive despite the predicament they are in. It would matter much if mothers (or fathers, as the case maybe) would show their children the strong faith and determination to get along. This will come easy if there is no resentment or hatred felt from them.

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  1. [...] ask questions about why her daddy and I are no longer together. Here’s my blog post on that: http://pepperrific.com/2011/04/how-to-make-divorce-easy-on-children/ . The best answer I could come up with, when she first asked me that question, was that her papa [...]

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