4 Reasons You Should Not Be Jealous Of Your Man’s Female Friends

Confidence is sexy.  Jealousy is downright ugly and unappealing.  When the green-eyed monster takes over, all hell breaks loose.  And that ruins instead of builds relationships.  Jealousy, when within the bounds of reason, can sometimes be healthy in a relationship.  But when we (I say “we”, hoping that I’m not alone in this boat) make a huge deal out of it when our boyfriend or husband simply receives a harmless text message from one of his old female friends, then that becomes plain foolish.  So, why should you not be jealous of our man’s female friends?

They’re just friends.  That’s the fact of the matter.  His friend, in this case, just happens to shave her legs, spends hours preening in front of the mirror, and gets her monthly period.  We should understand that the men in our lives are entitled to make friends, regardless of sex.  You do have male friends too, don’t you?  So, you should understand what it’s like to have a friend of the opposite sex.  There is no attraction, no romantic love whatsoever.  If anything, the love that’s there is merely platonic.  Take consolation in the fact that she doesn’t give him butterflies in his stomach.

He met her before he met you.  If there was really any relationship to build on, that should’ve already happened a long time ago.  The fact that they have been friends for this long means, that’s all there is to it.  They value their friendship so much, that taking it to the next level is simply unthinkable.  If anything, you should be more wary of the women he’ll meet henceforth.  But then again, there is no hard and fast rule that says men who are in a relationship cannot make female friends.

He spends more time with you. Since you are his girlfriend or wife, presumably, he spends a lot more time hanging out with you than with his friends, male or female.   That’s your edge over them.

He needs you to trust him.  Men are big on trust, and jealousy for them, the unreasonable kind, is a red light that demonstrates a “trust-deficit”, so to speak.  If your man has a clean track record, and he has earned your trust, give that to him.

Now, would it still be an issue if he had a gay friend? Hmm, that may be best saved for another blog post.

 

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About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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Comments

  1. Josie says:

    Hi Pepper thanks for dropping by, I voted for you on the forum and glad you made it.. good luck!!! :D

  2. joy says:

    our husbands like us need more room to breathe, once in a while i let him hang with his friends, so he will also let do it too hehe

  3. sie says:

    I can relate to that Ms.Pepper..but I have little problems because I don’t have guy friends hehehe..I am not a jealous person but it will depend on the text and messages he is receiving..ay naku Ms.Pepper the truth is it is so hard to get someone’s trust if his heart was broken before by another woman because of trust..now even if I have been faithful to him..sometimes he still comes back of thinking that I will turn out to be like his past..I am not a jealous person but I can feel if a woman is trying to steal his heart from me grrrrrrrr..

  4. sie says:

    xensya Ms.Pepper nag eemote me hahaha..kasi your post is exactly what I am feeling right now :(

  5. Cari says:

    I think you’ve kind of hit it with number four. There needs to be trust from both sides. It can be a very slippery slope with friends of the opposite sex, so I would say you do have to use some caution. Maybe for me anyway, because I’m so darn appealing…TOTALLY kidding there, heehee. But I do think if you spend all of your energy being jealous, you will inadvertently push away your guy/gal.

    • Pepper says:

      It’s just difficult when you’re totally appealing, right? Hehe. Jealousy is my Achilles heel, and I’m trying my hardest to overcome that. We teach best what we most need to know, right? *sigh*

  6. helena says:

    hmm i have guy friends and i do hope my future boyfie won’t get jealous coz the last one even asked me to delete all the guy friends on my facebook list. hehe.

    but you know, there are those guys who make “vague” friendships with women, if you know what i mean– those whose gregarious natures have been taken to an extreme. it’s not purely platonic in some cases and so there is really reason to worry when that happens.

    • Pepper says:

      Being a UP graduate like yourself, I think I too am aware of those men who make “vague” friendships. hehe. Haven’t we seen that a lot in college? I guess, we just have to heighten our senses when it comes to siphoning out those men.

      • helena says:

        hahaha addendum, schoolmate (!): you may also have to watch out for gay guys fronting girlfriends to stay in the closet. jealousy not just with the girls, but with the GUYS. hahahaha. oh, the skills we dating girls must develop. hahaha.

  7. Pepper says:

    You couldn’t be more right about closet gay guys…
    Why don’t you and I collaborate to write an e-book on the topic? hehe…

  8. Confidence IS sexy, you’re right! The number one reason I think a woman should not be jealous of her guy’s female friends is that she’s confident in what she’s got herself. They might be “girl” “friends” but only YOU are the “girlfriend” and that’s an important thing to keep in mind.

  9. Pepper, my son’s father had an ex girlfriend that was his friend. Thing is, he would go out of his way for her. I got tired of it. There were always “friends” around. They all just loved him. Seriously, after playing it “cool” for 4 years, It got old. It depends on what the person is getting out of the opposite sex relationship. Some people have them to boost their ego. For others, it really is a no attraction true friendship. Sometimes the lines are blurred. Turns out my own supressed jealousy was warranted.

    • Pepper says:

      Sorry to hear about that. The jerk! Him, not you :) Yup, I guess we women do have to trust our intuition once in a while… all the time, maybe!

  10. BTW I loved your post and it sparked discussion. And yes, confidence IS sexy. Maybe I lack that when the chips are down.

  11. Mayra says:

    Hello Pepper. I really like your article. It really helps me. I have jealousy issues. I have a question though, what if one of his old “girl” “friends” is one of the girl’s he was starting to fall for while you two were on a “break” even though he says he has no more feelings for her what so ever, is it right for me to be jealous over them still talking and hanging out just as the friends they used to be? And also he really wants me to trust him so he doesn’t let me go through any of his stuff like facebook, emails, and phone. but i don’t think that will help me trust him again after 2 years of lies..? am i doing wrong?

    • Pepper says:

      Hmmm… your situation seems like a difficult one to be in. I say, trust what your intuition tells you. But try to subtle when confronting your guy. If he wants to hang out with her, ask him to bring you along, just to ease your fears. Try to ask him in a non-threatening way. It’s difficult, I know, but you have to try. Do let me know how things turn out :)

      • Mayra says:

        Thank you so much that really helps. Asking him to bring me along would definitely help me. I just hope you won’t say no or “why should i” is what he usually says…Once again thank you pepper :)

  12. alinush maru says:

    Merry Christmas

  13. Easier said than done really (speaking from experience here) but really I have trust issues and while some of what you said may be true there men are better as friends as lovers and well really if the man is doing something our women’s instinct will sound the alarm like crazy and that is very hard to ignore.

  14. Ruth says:

    This is so true. I have guy friends who complain about their girlfriends being so insecure and jealous of other girls.. even having their pics taken with another girl is not allowed! Paranoia will kill them. :D

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