The One About Love (Or Lack Thereof!)

I can’t help it.  Toni Braxton’s Breathe Again- alternating with Color Me Badd’s All for Love- keeps playing inside my head.  Apart from the obvious fact that I’m stuck in a music time warp, I just feel that I’m in a non-Barry Manilow-ish, romantic mood.

I want to love and be loved again.  I miss holding hands, warm hugs, butterfly kisses… the works.  I want long walks on the beach, laughing in the rain.  I miss eating off each other’s plates, as he tucks strands of my hair behind my ear…

Oh dear, this is beginning to sound like something off an online dating site profile!

Personally, I don’t believe that love just happens.   You find love on purpose.  If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school.  If you want to find love, you look for it- or I guess more appropriately- you make things happen.  It’s not easy, but once you reap the rewards, there are simply no words to describe the joy which comes with it.

I’d probably flunk love school, if there was one.  It’s just been one failed relationship after another.  Despite my conscious efforts to not repeat old mistakes, somehow, things still fall apart.  It’s one of life’s mysteries which I may never have the answers to.

But I guess I won’t give up.  I can’t give up.  Life’s too short for that.  Although bruised all over, I have to get up and just go on.

One foot in front of the other…

Unexpectedly In Love

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And so, it happened.  I fell in love.  I am in love.  Unlike playing in a band or having abs like Gwen Stefani’s, falling in love wasn’t one of my top goals for this year (or any year, for that matter!).  I have given up all hope of once again being mesmerized by a man’s eyes or walking along the beach while holding hands with someone with an XY-chromosome.  Clearly, falling in love again was at the bottom of my priorities list.

I guess it’s true what people say- that love comes when you least expect it.  Like paparazzi waiting at your doorstep at 5am, love has a tendency to catch you unawares.

He came at the right time.  It wasn’t love at first sight for us, but we grew on each other.  The feelings blossomed like flowers in the spring.  Our story may not be worthy of a Meg Ryan flick, but it’s still special and real.

I like that he totally gets me.  We connect like stars in a constellation.  If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s that he makes me corny and cheesy like this.  I was never a poet, but given this surge of inspiration, I just might come up with a smashing sonnet.

This Pepper has finally found her Salt.

Sugar and Fights and Everything Not So Nice

It’s videoke night tomorrow, and I’m all psyched up about what song I’m going to sing: It was a tough decision between Climb Every Mountain and Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patti Smith (or is it Patty Smyth?), but the latter won in the end.

The major thing which influenced this choice was because last night, an old friend caught me online and chatted with me about another one of her boyfriend dilemmas.  They’ve been together for 3 years now, but the relationship pales in comparison to a fairy tale romance.  Their happy ever after has always been cut off by countless fights.  They do love each other, no doubt.  It’s just that they can’t seem to get a better handle on those disagreements.   They have perfected the art of getting back together after breaking up so many times.

Far be it from me to be a marriage counselor with her own talk show on primetime TV, I think I may have one or two pieces of relationship advice up my sleeve which might be worth heeding.

Sometimes love isn’t enough.

It’s not enough that you love someone.  You have to be able to live with him or her.  You have to be able to sort through your issues together, and not end up always feeling all sad and angry.  Sure, relationships aren’t a bed of roses, and there will be fights along the way.  But if these fights leave you both constantly going for each other’s throats and you feel that your self-esteem is slowly being gnawed at, then it’s time to take action.

Try talking things out with your partner, or better seek the help of a counselor.  Even for a brief moment, leave all feelings of blame outside the door, and listen to what each one has to say.  You should then be able to sift through your major and minor problems.

If things still don’t work out, maybe it’s time to call it quits.  I read somewhere that “loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be together”.  If being a couple doesn’t make you both happy, then it’s a sign the relationship has to end, while you still have some respect left for each other.

Enough with the heavy stuff, and on with the singing…

The Unofficial Breakup

When my 7-year old daughter grows up, I have dreams of her becoming a doctor or a renowned guitar player.  But because of the incredible mind-reading skill she oh so effortlessly displayed just last night, I do believe she could also make it big as a psychic.

Right after we finished dancing and sweating to Wannabe by the Spice Girls, she sat me down and looked me squarely in the eye.  “Mama, are you ok?”, she asked.   She must have sensed a negative vibe from me.  I said, “Right now, I’m not really ok, but I know I will be.”  And then she gave me a tight 20-second hug, and for that brief moment, I was back in my happy place.

I wasn’t in the cheeriest of moods, because I had some shocking news from this guy I have been spending a lot of time with for the past 4 or 5 months.  He and I weren’t actually a couple- not enough reason to change my Facebook status- but we did share happy times together.  I was simply sad, knowing that we can no longer do the things we used to do.

This unofficial breakup tore me apart that night.  The tears involuntarily gushed down my cheeks like Niagara Falls.

I hope he doesn’t read this.  He doesn’t know… he never did know how I felt about him all…this…time…

What Can I Do To Make Him Love Me?

In life, we never forget our firsts: first love, first drunken episode at a bar, etc.  One first I’ll never forget was the first time I went to a concert.  It was the Corrs.  While waiting in line at the entrance, their songs just kept playing in my head- over and over again, complete with vibrato.  The song which stood out was What Can I Do.

A decade after, as I sit here in front of the computer, I find myself singing that same Corrs song again- still with vibrato.  Oh, what can I do to make him love me?  What can I do to make him care…

Hard as it is to accept, the thing with love is that you can’t force it.  It just doesn’t work that way.  There isn’t a recipe to make someone love you back.  The most you can do is just be yourself and silently hope that the other person sees what’s lovable about you- maybe that and a novena to all the saints in heaven.

Sure, I have other better things to do like asking around for outdoor lighting installation options for the house, but right now, I’m in a Corrs mood… mulling over unrequited love.

“The power is not mine… I’m just gonna let it fly”…

Chewing Gum and Love

Forrest Gump said that “Life is like a box of chocolates- you’ll never know what you’re gonna get”.  Love, for me, is like a piece of gum- it starts off hard, then once you chew it, it becomes soft inside your mouth.  It becomes comfortable and adds an element of fun to an otherwise dreary life.   Just like baseball players chewing on a piece of Big League Chew gum during a game, love makes our jobs and life in general feel like a fun game.

I guess I can safely say that I’m at this stage when I’m still looking for that special “gum”.  I’m not actively looking, but am open to the possibility of fun and romance.

It’s nothing short of amazing how life pokes fun at you.  Just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, along comes somebody to make things look colorful and rosy once again.  You meet someone who does an emotional CPR on you, and jump starts you back into life.  You get a major perspective shift, and a genuine smile begins to show on your face.

I’m pretty optimistic that that day will come for me.  And when it does, I’m sure that gum will taste so good.

Things You Cannot Afford to Miss When Going On a Date!

Are you going on a date? You must be excited and nervous at the same time. I am not talking here of the experienced ones; all first timers feel nervous. Then there are few who feel nervous every time they go out on date. When going on a date you would definitely want to look your best- doing which is not the simplest of tasks. There are clothes to choose, the nail paint, foot wear, hair style and many more including the bustier. Here is a list of a few things you cannot afford to miss while going for a date.

Perfume and the right way of applying it: You would not want your date to turn face as you get close. Some people do apply fragrance but they’re not always the one best suited for a date. Did you know that fragrance can help in getting the desired action from the other person? It does! Remember the movie ‘the perfume’ in which the hero can mesmerize a crowd of people just by a drop of perfume. You also can use the right fragrance to burn the fire between you and your date. Apply it on the inner sides of your ankles, behind your ears, wrists and neck. The blood flow will create impulses of fragrance and you will see your date drooling over you.

Your dress: There is no hard and fast rule for what you should wear on a date. Wear anything that you feel confident in. However you can choose the colors to best suit your personality and mood. Black can help you look slimmer than you are. Red is always considered the color of love and romance. Whatever you wear, feel confident and comfortable in it. There is no point in wearing pencil heels when you cannot carry them properly. If you want to invite your date to get your relationship to the next level than you say it by wearing sensuous clothes.

The right lingerie: This might appear absurd but your lingerie determines the moments that you spend together. A good choice can build your reputation and elevate the mood of your date. On the other hand, a poor choice can leave him thinking negative about you. These are little things but they do matter a lot. Branded inner wear like those from sexy babydoll can help you in getting the desired attention and appreciation.
Happy dating!

I Wish I Had Facial Hair

No, you definitely are not looking at a typo, nor have I gone totally insane- at least I don’t think so!  I just sometimes wish I were male.  Yes, I wish was one of those chaps who burped on command and knew what RF coaxial connectors were all about.  If by some twist of fate I suddenly wake up to find myself a brewing pot of androgen, then I would be pleased, because I will then have transformed into a single dad.

 

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Single dads win over single moms in the attractiveness department.  Based on my observation, single fathers seem to have it much easier when it comes to snatching someone from the opposite sex.

You know how a single man walking around the park with a dog attracts women passing him by?  That’s pretty much how it works with single dads.  I don’t mean to compare kids to dogs (they’re both cute, by the way), but they somehow serve the same purpose- they both make single dads or men appealing.

When a woman meets a single dad, she gets the impression that he is nurturing, caring and loving.  Any man in touch with his feminine side scores points with the ladies on any given day.

On the other hand, when a man meets a single mom, she inevitably drops a notch or two on the sexiness scale.   The thought of “excess baggage” rears its ugly head and sometimes repels men, as if the woman had bad breath.

I guess that’s just how things are.  There are simply some stereotypes which we can’t readily shake off.

But then again, there are instances when it hardly matters whether a single woman has kids or not.  I do know some single moms who have found love in its truest form.  They have found real men who have accepted them despite their not-so-pleasant past.  Maybe I’m just jealous.

What’s your take on this?

 

A Middle-of-the-Night Aerosmith Attack

I certainly “don’t wanna close my eyes… don’t wanna fall asleep” cause I miss him, and I don’t want to miss a thing.  My corniness does freak me out sometimes, I have to admit!  But I can’t help it.  Steven Tyler has gotten into my system and has got me singing his song in almost-perfect pitch.

Last night, no matter how tired I was, I couldn’t sleep.  I kept thinking about Mr. SO (Significant Other) who is miles away from me.  We have been in this long distance relationship for two years now. Anyone who’s been in the same boat will agree with me that it’s no walk in the park.

There are days when I’m ok, there are days when I’m not.  My mood pendulum swings in the direction of a happy kind of longing one minute and moves towards a painful, heart-wrenching ache the next.

I oftentimes catch myself contentedly reminiscing about precious moments with him, but sometimes, the longing just gets so bad that I wish I had a teleportation device handy.   I want to break all laws of quantum physics and leap straight into his lap in the blink of an eye.

When it comes to the formula for making LDR’s work, I am absolutely clueless.  But I have faith that it will all turn out beautifully, just like my last haircut at this cheap salon.  In his little ways, Mr. SO shows his love.  That’s what keeps me going and believing that love knows no distance.

I feel another song coming on…

Online Dating Tips

If you still think that on one fine day, prince charming will come merrily prancing by your door with a glass slipper in hand, well, it’s time you hit your head with that imaginary glass slipper.  They’re called fairy tales because that’s what they are- just tales.  In the real world, looking for love is as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack.  There are hits and misses along the way, and more often than not, they’re mostly misses.

Some say that it’s best to stop looking and just wait for love to find you.  For single moms like me, that’s easier said than done.  It’ll probably be much easier to get Jordan Knight of NKOTB to give me a lap dance than to have true love find me.  If you’re the type who simply can’t sit still and wait for love to happen, then you can start taking matters into your own hands- or fingertips, for that matter.  Try looking for love online.  Here are a few things to keep in mind when going on free dating sites online.

Type up a good profile.  Good is the operative word, not fictitious.  Although it’s so tempting to put on an impressive front behind a cloak of anonymity, don’t take that route if you want to be taken seriously.  Write up your profile in a way that attracts, but not deceives.  Remember to include the qualities which you know are your selling point.  If you don’t mind your man going on boys’ nights out, then put that in as well.  Be clear about what you’re looking for in a partner.  First impressions do last, and your profile will be the basis of that.

Call or email a few times before meeting up.  Women tend to fall in love head first.  They make slightly unwise judgments when emotions run high during the initial stages of dating.  If you give yourself the chance to communicate with the man by email or phone before meeting in person, you can get a better grip on things.  You can get a sense of the man’s personality beforehand.

Suffice it to say, this venture is not for the faint of heart.  Well, anytime anybody dips his toes in the pool of love is in for a ride.  Just exercise caution and things should work out just fine.  Who knows, you just might find love at first terabyte (oooh, that sounded way too corny even for me!).