Oh, The Thinks She Can Think!

Posted on November 11, 2012 17 Comments

As I was driving my six-year old daughter to school one morning, I told her how anxious I was about another weekend without her.  I’m a weekend orphan, as she spends weekends with her dad.  With wisdom pulled out from I don’t know where, she calmly tells me that I shouldn’t be sad even if she’s away.  “Mama, why don’t you go out with your friends?  You’re happy when you see me playing with my friends, right?  It’s the same… I’m happy when you see your friends.”

I couldn’t help but smile after she consoled me with those words.  It was jaw-dropping to think how mature she seems for her age.  There was nobody else there to witness that spectacle of wisdom, but I was beaming with pride at my little girl’s views on life.  At the rate she’s going with her smarts, I’m pretty sure that learning the ropes of government contracting basics will be a breeze for her- if she decides to pursue a career in that direction.

She has just taught me a valuable lesson in parenting.  When you give their kids everything, it gives them the impression that you don’t have a life of your own.  It sends a message to them that you don’t value yourself, because you have put your needs at the bottom of your priorities list.

I have built my entire world around my daughter and have let go of my identity.  I have given up so many things for her, but instead of her appreciating this, it makes her feel sad, knowing that this is slowly gnawing at my personal happiness and contentment.  This self-sacrifice is doing me- and her- more harm than good, I realized.

So on this solo Saturday night, I’ll grab this opportunity to just enjoy and bury myself in some reality TV.    Life isn’t only about Phineas and Ferb it seems…

Filed Under: Everything About Kids, Mommyhood, Self Tagged: ,

To Mortgage and To Hold: Mom Tries to Insure the Future

Posted on November 8, 2012 9 Comments

Image courtesy of Renjith Krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Mindfulness is something I’ve been practicing these days…living in the present, soaking in all the lovely scents from my warm bath, listening to Sting in the background, etc.  But as a single mom raising her kid by herself, there’s always this gnawing apprehension about the future.  How will my daughter cope if something tragic happened to me?  Who’s going to fix her meals?  Who’s going to put a roof over her head?

With these countless worries coming to the surface, I have been toying with the idea of getting a mortgage protection insurance.  This is a type of insurance which ensures that if in case the homeowner loses his job, becomes disabled or dies, the insurer continues to pay for the mortgage.  Since I’m still paying off this condo unit my daughter and I are staying in, I will need all the help I can get, in the event that something unfortunate should happen to me.

The mortgage protection insurance cost will be determined by insurance agents depending on certain factors.  They will study the likelihood of you being unemployed.  If the job industry you’re in has a higher risk of unemployment, your mortgage protection insurance may cost a bit higher.  Recession and the cost of your mortgage payments will likewise influence how much you’ll have to shell out.

So, until my daughter meets and marries somebody from Prince William’s bloodline, I guess I’ll have to really do some serious planning about her future.

Filed Under: Mommyhood Tagged:

Secrets of Well-Rested Moms

Posted on September 10, 2012 24 Comments

If you think that the greatest invention ever known to man is the snooze button on the alarm clock, then you are clearly manifesting signs of lack of sleep.  Although it may be all too common to hear of moms who beg for those extra five minutes of sleep every time the alarm goes off in the morning, it is an indication that these people are not getting the rest they badly need.

The important thing sleepless moms have to do is to reprogram their bodies.  Remember, we aren’t nocturnal animals, so as much as we can, we should do all our duties during the daytime.  Owls are owls, people are people.  But if you’ve always been a night person, how exactly can you re-engineer yourself into being a morning person?

Change your wake up time.  Harsh as it sounds, you have to force yourself to stick to a new time to get up in the morning.  Try setting your alarm clock to 530am, for instance, and when it goes off, just get up even if you don’t feel like it. You must do this even on weekends when it’s so tempting to sleep in.  Eventually, your body will adjust to your new wake up time.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew.  Do you really have to take that extra writing job, even if it’ll eat up more of your time?  If you really must, then do your extra work during the day.  Squeeze it in with your regular job (like I do!), so when you come home from work, you should just spend the time winding down and relaxing.

Keep naps at bay.  If you feel the pangs of fatigue creep in throughout the day, try to keep busy instead of taking a nap.  It will only make you feel more tired.  Talk to a friend or just do something- anything!  When night time comes, you’ll be so sleepy that you’d want to hit the sack early.   This will then help you adjust to the early morning start.

Once you’ve successfully transformed yourself into a morning person, you’ll soon discover that you’re no longer that cranky mom who masterfully stifles a yawn as you drive your son to soccer practice.

 

 

Filed Under: Health, Mommyhood Tagged: , ,

The Revirginization of Me

Posted on August 31, 2012 49 Comments

Well, what do you know?  There is such a word!  I dared Google it, and was surprised to find out that such a word existed.  Simply put, it means restoring a woman’s virginity through surgery.

Before you get any ideas, let me clarify that I didn’t go under the knife to “reconstruct” any body part.  The revirginization I’m going through is more emotional and mental than physical.  Okay, maybe partly physical, since I haven’t had any form of sexual encounter in ages.  I sometimes feel that my womanly parts are reconstructing themselves because of “lack of use”.  I am now teetering on TMI, so I better go back to the emotional and mental aspects of this revirginization.

I am a virgin once more (insert Madonna’s Like a Virgin song here).  I’m a virgin in the sense that on certain occasions, I feel as if I’m back to my old self- my pre-mommy self.  On weekends when my daughter is away at her dad’s, I feel like I’m reverting back to singleblessedness.

I go back to thinking only of myself, to sleeping in without considering the needs of a dependent, cute, pint-sized, precocious, sweet and loving child.

I start taking the time to really comb my hair, parting it in a way that highlights my face.  I take longer baths, pampering myself with a luxurious bath gel.

This revirginization is good, I realize.  It helps me reconnect with who I am.

And then, I feel a sharp pain shoot through my heart.  Yes, I miss my daughter so bad, I count the hours until she gets back.  Revirginization is healthy, though I feel that a part of me dies everytime she leaves…

 

Filed Under: Mommyhood, Self Tagged: ,

Mother-Daughter Adventures: The African Safari

Posted on August 22, 2012 19 Comments


As a kid, I remember being a huge fan of the Choose Your Own Adventure series.  You know, those chapter books where you get to choose how the story ends.  I would be so wrapped up in it, that I’d pause only for bathroom breaks.

Now that I’m a full-grown, Chaka Khan- inspired- I’m-every-woman kind of girl, I would like to dip my fingers in a different kind of adventure- the real kind!  I’d like to share an extraordinary type of adventure with the love of my life- my daughter.

The first thing that comes to mind is an African safari.  What could be more exciting than witnessing wild animals in their natural habitat?  My daughter loves going to the zoo, so a safari will be an entirely new experience for her.  I can almost imagine the adrenaline rush go through her as she strokes a baby elephant.

I thought that all safaris were the same, but apparently they’re not.  There are all sorts of safaris- guided safaris, walking safaris, river safaris, etc.  What will be perfect for my daughter and me would have to be the family safari.

South Africa, Tanzania and Kenya are the best destinations for a family safari.  The people here are particularly skilled at making sure that safaris are safe and fun for both parents and children.

With a family safari, I wouldn’t have to worry about my daughter’s short attention span, as the people in charge provide for other activities such as crafts, or even biking or canoeing.  There are also crafts for kids to do, if and when they feel like taking a break.  The learning never stops.

Oh, I can feel my fingers tremble with excitement as I search online for family holidays with Mahlatini.com. Life is one huge adventure, and I want to go on it with nobody else but my daughter.  Toto’s song, Africa, is playing in my head now…

Filed Under: Everything About Kids, Family Bonding, Mommyhood Tagged: , , ,

Holiday Orphan.Me

Posted on August 15, 2012 23 Comments

When I can’t type my password correctly, I know there’s something terribly wrong.  My fingers lose graceful coordination when something’s bothering me.

This coming weekend is something I’m not looking forward to.  The President (Lord, bless his balding head!) declared at the last minute that the 20th of August will be a holiday.  August 21st has already been previously declared a holiday, so that means we’re having a four-day weekend.

While a huge part of the population may be in a state of euphoria about it, I am so dreading those days.  Once again, I’m going to be an accidental holiday orphan.  Well, maybe not exactly “accidental”, as I almost always end up alone during holidays.  My daughter will spend that long weekend at her Dad’s, so that leaves me doing another Macaulay Culkin.

There will be no “significant other (SO)” to snuggle up with.  Truth be told, there’s a greater chance that a meerkat will show up at my doorstep than Mr. SO and I will spend time together.

Looking at the silver lining of this cloud, I can just think of it as valuable “me” time.  I can sleep in and not think of anybody else but myself.  I won’t have to look after anyone or make grilled cheese sandwiches… or watch Phineas and Ferb (who am I kidding, of course I’ll miss my little girl!).

And yes, I almost forgot about my friends.  I can go see them and pig out or do something out of the box.

Before I know it, my daughter will be back in my arms, and I shall be reborn… and probably have a meerkat as a pet.

Filed Under: Mommyhood, Self Tagged:

Faith Over Fear: When Growing Old Doesn’t Suck

Posted on August 11, 2012 39 Comments

Looking in the mirror is the first thing I do when I get up in the morning.  Today, I got the shock of my life, as I saw one white strand of hair!  I was faced with the decision whether to pull it out or not.  I decided not to.

And then, the question just had to present itself: Am I aging?

I must be in denial, yes.  I don’t want to grow old.  Not just yet.  Time, be my friend…

Oh, but I must accept the fact that I’m not getting any younger.  Before I know it, fine lines are going to make manifest on my face.  Instead of buying myself a nice Equi Theme jacket and a funky pair of riding boots from an equestrian clearance sale, I’ll have to get me one of those anti-aging creams.

What’s so bad about aging, anyway?  Sure, arthritis and episodes of dementia will set in, but that’s just how things go.  Nobody stays young forever.

With age comes wisdom, they say.  That’s true, I guess.  Over the years, both the bitter and sweet events in my life have taught me important life lessons which have shaped me into the woman I am today.

But I must admit that I am afraid to grow old.  Maybe it’s the uncertainty that comes with it.  I fear about the future- my daughter’s future.  I want her to live out her dreams, whatever they may be.  If her fascination with the London 2012 Olympics is any indication, she may just end up being that equestrian I have always wanted to be.

I fear about my future.  I don’t want to grow old alone.  I do long for a lifetime partner to grow old and hold hands with on the front porch while sipping tea and listening to 80’s music.

This is where faith has to come in.  I should have faith in God, in the future, and in myself.  If I learn to trust Him, I shouldn’t be so afraid of what will happen.  I’m in good hands.

Filed Under: Mommyhood, Relationships, Self Tagged: , ,

Why I Shouldn’t Be Friends With My Daughter (Not Too Much!)

Posted on August 1, 2012 38 Comments

In Geometry, lines are important.  They serve a purpose in marking boundaries, setting limits.  The same holds true in life.  Lines have to be drawn in order to delineate one’s space and borders.  When those lines are crossed one way or another, conflict arises.

A lot of parents aim to be “cool”.  They want their kids to like them, because they want their kids to open up to them about things.  So they do everything they can- notwithstanding rules- to be friends with them.  But what does this mean?  Does this mean letting them go on Facebook unsupervised, or making their curfew hours flexible?

I’m not one to rule with an iron hand, but I believe that we parents should be that to our kids: parents.  That’s why we were put in this position.  Our kids have their sets of friends, but there will only be one set of parents for him.  If we don’t fulfill our duties as guardians to them, who else will?  There’s an unwritten contract that it is our obligation to nurture them, and guide them.

That doesn’t mean that we should totally scrap “having fun with the kids” from our to-do list.  The key is in striking a balance between chilling with them and commanding respect.   Is it at all possible?  It may be a struggle, yes, but it is possible.  So, how can you not be a dictator and neither a too-cool mom or dad?

In order to foster a certain degree of friendship while still keeping within the bounds of respect, we parents should initially let our kids know what type of respect we want from them.  In a loving yet firm way, we can lay down the rules when it comes to their curfew, for example.

Once your kid is aware of the rules you’ve set, you can then try to be involved in his or her life, without over-imposing.  Make it a habit to ask him about how his school day went, ask him about his friends.  Take a keen and sincere interest in his hobbies and the people he hangs out with.  Spend time watching his favorite TV show with him and talk about it.

Don’t try too hard to be your kid’s friend.  Smothering invites disrespect.  Just give your kid a steady supply of warm love, and he’ll reciprocate while still upholding respect for you.

Filed Under: Child discipline, Everything About Kids, Mommyhood, Relationships Tagged: ,

Grabbing the BULL-y by the Horns

Posted on July 17, 2012 50 Comments

Probably one of the hardest skills a mom should master is hiding her emotions.  It’s putting on a façade of strength when inside, her spirit is crushed to bits.  I was faced with that challenge last week, when my daughter came home from school, crying.  She said that one of her classmates- I’ll call her K- broke her rosary.

It broke my heart to see my daughter sobbing.  Inside, my blood was curdling.  I pulled out all curse words I knew from my vocabulary, and mentally hurled them at K, stabbing straight through her heart.

It’s not so much about the broken rosary as it is about what my daughter was feeling.  She treasured that object, and seeing the beads fly all over the classroom simply shattered her.

My daughter went on to cite instances when K would forcefully demand her to lend her a pencil, etc.  There was also a time when K scratched my daughter’s forearm, for what reason I don’t know.  What set me off what hearing my daughter tell me that she’s afraid of K.  I now have a new name for K … Bully!

In the school I work at, I’ve seen bullying in all its forms, and educated myself on how to react and what to do if and when that happened to my daughter.  Now that it’s finally happened, all I feel is anger.  All sanity is lost.

I’ve written my daughter’s teacher about it, and we’ll take it from there.  I know this incident may pale in comparison to other cases of bullying, but when it happens to you, it’s simply the worst.

Do you have a bullying tale you’d like to share?

Filed Under: Everything About Kids, Mommyhood Tagged: , , ,

When Your Kid Has Stage Fright

Posted on July 13, 2012 35 Comments

My spidey mom-sense was on heightened alert when I knew that something was troubling my daughter when she came home from school one afternoon.  Her usual chatty, post-school self was shushed by a countenance marked by a somber quality.  I was quick to ask her if anything was wrong.  She said that she had to show her talent in front of the class the following day.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tears started to well in my eyes- not only because I felt for her- but because I knew my little girl was growing up.  She was beginning to exhibit signs of stage fright.

Call me weird, but I think this is a development milestone, as most of us adults do suffer from it.  Our palms get all sweaty and our hearts go pumping like mad whenever we’re asked to speak in front of an audience.

Having stage fright is no more common than warts on a bullfrog, so I wasn’t really all that bothered that my daughter was experiencing some degree of stage fright.  She’s not exactly a shrinking violet when it comes to social situations, so I guess her fear of speaking in front of the class wasn’t a symptom of anything serious.  But I did sympathize with her.

To ease her anxiety, I told her we’d practice her talent show-and-tell session.  She said she wanted to do the hula hoop, so we did that at home, imagining that her classmates were watching.  I cheerily applauded after her practice stint.  I told her she was awesome to have such a talent.

On the morning of her talent presentation, I gave her a lucky charm- just a lucky coin- to help boost her confidence.  I also told her to say a little prayer to Jesus, and keep that prayer in her pocket as well.

When she came home that afternoon, she was in better spirits than she was the previous day.  She said that everyone loved her hula hoop gig, and wouldn’t stop asking her about how she’s gotten so good at it.  Even Teacher was impressed, my daughter said.

How would you help your kid deal with his or her stage fright?

 

Filed Under: Everything About Kids, Mommyhood Tagged: , ,