Getting Over Being Dumped

In relationships, things could happen in the blink of an eye, either in a good or a bad way. So one moment you are still all lovey-dovey, and the next day you might already be waking up to the terrible fact that you’ve been dumped. You’re going to be a complete mess for the next few days, weeks, or even months. You’re sad, shocked, anguished and hateful. You may feel like it’s the end of the world, and you can never love again. Is there a way out from all this? How to get over it?

 

Don’t think that you can’t find love again

Many people who are dumped often believe that no one else except their exes could fill the void in their hearts. It’s totally normal to think this way, but don’t let this thought consume you. Try to find a hobby you can indulge in, do anything you want, or simply do nothing at all, and hopefully this can help you take your mind off the ex. More importantly, believe in yourself, your fate, or whatever, that there must be someone else waiting for you among the 7 billion people in the world.

 

Accept it

This is not rubbing salt on your wounds, but you’ve got to accept that the relationship is over. Your ex was an important part of your life, but not anymore. All those days that you spent together would only remain as memories. It’s painful but you need to learn to accept it. Cry if you must – it’ll make you feel better.

 

Find someone to talk to

Don’t fight the battle alone; you don’t have to. Find a person you can trust and tell everything in your story, the good times, the bad times, the regrets, everything. Just talk until there’s nothing left in your mind. By then, you should feel slightly better. Don’t resort to drugs or alcohol; all you need is a pair of kind ears, and perhaps a shoulder to cry on if you need it. After all, just having someone listening to you is already a big load off the chest. However, if you still find yourself hanging in a state of extreme depression, it’s better to seek for professional help.

 

This too shall pass

It takes time for you to get over your ex. Be patient, as the saying goes, “give the time, some time.” All those heart wrenching feelings of grief, despair and loneliness will eventually recede. Soon enough you’ll be back on your feet, and if you’re lucky enough to meet your new love, take it. You don’t have to follow the obscure 3-month or 6-month rules, as long as you’re not using the new partner as a substitute or a scapegoat. Even if you want to try something more unconventional, such as chatroulette or online dating, go for it – just make sure that this time, you know how to protect your heart.

 

Do you have any other tips for coping with breakups? Please share them, as I might as well learn a thing or two.

 

*********************************************************************

 

Written by: Sybil Serin

Author Bio: A twenty-something girl who’s “been there”. Bouncing back from adversities, she now works hard to improve herself as a better and stronger soul.

Your Kids Don’t Come First

Change is good.  It always is.  And I have to say that I just recently had an epiphany of sorts, and it has altered the way I think and feel in ways I could only previously imagine.

I feel that I have always been overly dependent on my daughter.   I almost feel sorry for putting her in a position where she was my wellspring of happiness and self-worth.  I knew that on a subconscious level, the reason “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” from Frozen keeps playing inside my head is that I have associated it with my daughter.  Whatever she likes, I like too.  It’s as if I’ve lost my identity and wrapped myself emotionally and mentally around her.  That’s just totally unhealthy.

She was my number one.  Everything else took a step back.  But when I started reading the Wealthy Single Mommy blog, I learned how important it is that we don’t put our kids first.

Now before you feed me to the lions, hear me out.

Yes, I love my daughter.  I love her to the moon and back.  But that doesn’t mean that I live for her.  That she’s the reason for my existence.  Eventually, she’ll grow up and have a life of her own.

My job now is to be an example to her, to show her what it’s like to live a full and rich life.  I have to show her that it’s not her obligation to make me happy, that I can do that by myself.

I realize how my old mindset has carried over to my just-recently-ended romantic relationship.  Probably one of the reasons it didn’t work out, was because my then boyfriend saw how much of a doting mother I was to my daughter.  He felt out of place.  He felt less than important.  If I knew then what I know now, it would have made a whole world of difference.

My daughter is staying at her Dad’s for two weeks.  I’m at the halfway mark, and I’m proud to say that I no longer achingly pine away for her.  The gassy anxiety spells I used to have are now a thing of the past.  I enjoy my time alone, like a normal and healthy adult should.

If and when love comes knocking on my door again, I’ll know better to give him the attention he needs and deserves.  If he asks me out to a Gin Blossoms concert even on a weeknight, I’ll go.

Happy parents make happier kids.  If you know how to take care of yourself, then you’ll be better and more effective at taking care of your children.  That’s how it all adds up in the parenting equation.

Throw your Fears to the Fire!

Today, I’m sharing with you the story of Heather, a strong mom who beat the odds and faced her fears. She is such an inspiring woman, that all my worries and anxieties now seem so trivial. If she can do it, so can you and I. Here’s her story:

Free Web Proxy

I’ve been blessed with a great sense of humor, and that sense of humor is one of the things that helped my husband and me through one of the most trying times of our lives. I was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma in November 2005. To save my life, surgeons performed an extrapleural pneumonectomy, which included the removal of my left lung, half of my diaphragm, as well as the lining of my heart.

In addition to undergoing this risky surgery, the situation was complicated by the fact that I was a new mom. Fortunately, I was able to pick out things to laugh about. When I learned that my surgery would take place on February 2, I nicknamed my tumor Punxsatawney Phil after the famous groundhog. This immediately took the seriousness out of the situation to help make it not as scary. My sister and I began to laugh about the tumor running in fear when it saw its shadow. Soon, we began to call February 2 LungLeavin’ Day, which is the day I lost my lung.

My husband and sister began discussing how best to celebrate such a day. My sister, being familiar with fire walking, came up with the idea of writing fears on an object to be destroyed in a fire. Naturally, we weren’t all going to walk on a burning plank. Instead, my husband came up with the idea of writing our fears on plates that could be smashed and thrown into the fire.

One year after my surgery, Cameron and I bought two plates and a sharpie and wrote our fears on these plates. Then, Cameron started a fire in our fire pit. Bundled up against the seasonal cold, we went out together and smashed our fears into that fire. It felt so good that we knew we needed to extend this special event to include family members and friends.

Over the years, our celebration has grown as we invited friends and family to join us. Now, we observe the shattering of fears on LungLeavin’ Day as a fundraiser for fighting mesothelioma. The celebration isn’t just for cancer survivors and warriors. Everyone has fears to overcome. On this day, we even get the kids involved, letting them write their fears on paper plates that can be thrown into the fire.

This year, we hope to include even more people in our celebration. We plan to stream the event live on my Facebook page, and we’ve also launched an interactive webpage for the virtual smashing of fears. We hope you’ll join us this year!

Free Web Proxy

Children’s Book Campaign Reunites Son with Father after Seven Years

Here’s a heartwarming story to bring out the holiday spirit in us all:

StarBoy is a children’s book, written and illustrated by Ventura-based community storyteller Noah Crowe, about growing up missing his father, rites of passage, and belonging.

Free Web ProxyWell on Wednesday, December 4th, Noah’s kickstarter campaign to publish his book yielded an unexpected result:

His father called.

After seven years without any contact, the news of Noah’s book, StarBoy: The Boy Who Traded Clothes with the Stars, reached his father’s ears. When he learned about the book’s subject, his father reached out with a simple and heartwarming request. He wanted to read it.

“It jolted me in a way I wasn’t expecting,” Noah said. “I didn’t expect that the energy in the story about embodying the love of the father inside, would become about reconnecting with my father personally, nor did I know it was even possible.”

Recently, Noah reached out to me and my blog to see if I could share his campaign with anyone that might be interested in helping him out.

The StarBoy campaign ends in 19 days and still needs to raise 84% of its funding for the book to be published. Any donation is greatly appreciated, even just $1 to raise the number of backers and bring the campaign to a wider audience.

The book is to be printed on recycled or even tree-free paper, and for every book sold a tree will be planted, to set a new environmentally conscious standard for children’s media, and stress the importance of how we share our stories.

To make a donation, check out the StarBoy book, or offer Noah any helpful tips, just go to:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/981270106/starboy-the-boy-who-traded-clothes-with-the-stars

 

The Magic of Magic Words: Teaching Kids- and Grown Ups- To Say “Please” and “Thank You”

In my line of work, I have to deal with children every single day.  What I do is not for the faint of heart, that I can say with certainty.  In the middle of all the shushes and tests of patience, I always remind them to use the magic words “Please” and “Thank You”.

These words are called magic words for a reason.  They bring a smile to even the most downtrodden employee.  If somebody politely asks you to help her look for a book on elephants, you’d feel compelled to willingly help her despite the fact that you’ve been buried under tons of work for the past hour.  And when you hear a Thank You after you’ve helped her, that’s simply music to your ears.

Magic words are polite ways to show somebody that you appreciate whatever it is he or she has done for you.  We are all wrapped up in our own preoccupations, so it really does take a lot for one to go the extra mile to lend you a hand.  The least he or she deserves is a Thank You.

As parents, teaching our kids the habit of saying please and thank you is similar to passing on the torch of good values to them.  It signifies our love for them, our intent to mold them into respectful individuals.  This habit instills in our kids the value of gratitude.  They learn to appreciate what other people do for them.

Even as grown ups, we should always remember to say these magic words.  It says a lot about how well-mannered we are.  No matter how hunky you are, if you don’t know how to say Thank You, that is a MAJOR turnoff!

It doesn’t take much to say Please or Thank You.  Remember to use these magic words, and you’re sure to brighten someone’s day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Real Slim Shady: Signs of Emotional Cheating

It’s not all too uncommon for a woman to find lipstick marks on her husband’s collar or the faint stench of a woman’s perfume on his neck.  These are probably the classic signs of cheating which have gone down in history and have been played up in many a soap opera episode.  It’s the type of hedonistic cheating associated with the physical.

Apart from that though, there is what’s called emotional cheating.  It’s when you develop deep emotional connections with someone who isn’t your partner.  Although it doesn’t constitute hooking up or sneakily getting jiggy behind some dark alley, it’s just as harmful to any relationship as the type of cheating we have all been used to.

What are the signs that your platonic friendship with your opposite-sex friend is turning into something which raises a red flag in your romantic relationship?

Tiny special things.  If you find yourself leaving him notes on his desk, or sending him a photo collage of the two of you on your last trip together, that may signal something.  Giving him mementos or objects showing that you care may mean that you want him to keep thinking about you.  This is also a subconscious invitation for him to return the favor.

Clandestine communication.  Whenever you hear the message alert on your cellphone go off, you feel your heart skip a beat, secretly hoping it was your “friend” who texted you.  Normally, you should be communicating more with your partner than with anybody else.

Spending more time with your “friend”.  Those office lunches are beginning to stretch from one-hour breaks to an hour and a half, and you find yourself extremely looking forward to the 12noon mark every single workday.

Sneaky behavior.  Hiding things from your significant other is a clear indicator of emotional cheating.    If there are certain things going on between you and your “friend” which you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your partner, then you are teetering on the edge of emotional infidelity.

Basically, if you do or feel anything for another person which you would- or rather, should- normally do or feel for your partner, that’s a sign that relationship repairs have to be done.

Things to Expect During Family Counseling

For individuals, couples, or families that are experiencing depression, alcohol abuse, substance abuse, problems with their marriage, problems with children, anxiety, disabilities, and other issues, Family Matters Counseling is the type of place you can go for help. Professionals who deal with these issues have completed master’s degrees with another couple of years of clinical experience in which they are supervised. Experience has proven that treating the whole family is the best route to take when someone in the family needs help, because everyone in the family is affected by the one who needs help.

Typical Session

A typical session of family therapy lasts about an hour and all the members of the family will be present with the therapist. Most often, the sessions take place around a table where everyone feels safe and is as comfortable as possible.  Separate from the family therapy sessions, the therapist can meet individually with each member of the family as needed. The therapist will lead discussions to identify the issues that are contributing to the problems within the family. They will also help the family work through issues as they come up. There will be times to talk about weaknesses but the therapist will also be able to help the family identify their strengths and build on those.

Learning New Ways

The therapists at places like Family Matters Counseling will guide the family members in learning new ways to interact with each other, to be able to express their feelings in productive ways, and to leave unhealthy patterns behind by replacing them with new, healthy patterns. Through the course of the therapy sessions, the therapist will be able to determine what will help move the family toward harmony, and they will require some things of the parents and of the children. These assignments can involve changing the way they parent or laying down rules of how the family will interact with each other, and the family will have to report back on how things are going on a regular basis.

 

To Stay or To Go: Knowing When to End Your Marriage

Fine china is nice to look at and touch.  Its delicacy speaks of elegance and beauty beyond words.  Marriage is not so different.  Being with someone in good times and in bad can be the most wonderful thing in the world.

But just like china, marriage is fragile and can break when handled the wrong way.  Once the monster of marital conflict rears its ugly head, cracks start to form in your relationship.  You then look back on your wedding day and think that the “I do” should’ve been replaced with, “The hell I don’t, you lousy excuse for a man!”

Conflict can come in different forms.   It can manifest itself in jealousy, personality differences, or may be an effect of external influences such as money or issues with extended families.

Whatever the reason for distress in marriage, it should be solved by communication.  When two people really listen to each other and verbalize their needs, it’s easier to strike a compromise.  Each one then learns to be flexible and make minor adjustments in order to make for a more harmonious relationship.

Sometimes though, things just seem to be too much to bear, that the only seemingly rational alternative is to end the marriage.  So, when and how do you know when heading for Splitsville is the only solution to your wedded woes?

When at least one of you has given up, that’s when it’s time to say goodbye.  There’s no point in begging someone to stay if he or she has firmly- albeit stubbornly- decided to end it all.

But until then, do whatever you can to save the marriage.  If communication is the problem, you can always ask for somebody to mediate.  You can ask a trusted friend, relative or a marriage counselor to help bridge the gap between you and your spouse.  Exhaust all possible means to breathe life back into your dying marriage.

What about the kids?  They should not be the sole reason for you suck it all up and stay in an irreparably broken marriage.  In the long run, your unhappiness will affect your parenting style, and the kids will have to pay the price for that.  If you’re happy, the kids will be happier.

They say that good things come to those who wait.  Even better things come to those who keep an open mind and believe that true love lies around the bend- even after a miserable marriage.  The end is only the beginning.

 

He Says LOL, She Says Haha: How Men and Women are Different

Free Web Proxy

Image courtesy of zirconicusso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I got a text from an old guy friend last night, and he said he was lonely because he doesn’t have a girlfriend.  That kind of took me off guard, as all this time, I have been under the impression that he was okay being single.  Little did I know that beneath that exterior of Jay Leno-ish humor was a man craving for some womanly affection.

So I guess it’s safe to say that we do need each other.  No matter how fulfilled we are when it comes to our careers, for instance, we simply can’t live without a better half.  We are on the constant search for that other person to complement who we are.

But as anyone who has ever subscribed to that entire “men are from mars, women are from venus” school of thought, we all know that men and women are as different as night and day.  Despite that stark reality, we try to worm our way through this entanglement of differences in the hopes of living harmoniously with each other.

One of these differences is manifested in how we deal with problems.  Women love to confide in their partners about whatever’s bothering them, while men on the other hand keep things to themselves.    We air things out, while men would rather hole up in their man cave and toss a problem around their head until they come up with a solution.

It’s only too tempting to pick a fight with your man if he appears distant and aloof, but that doesn’t ease things up in any way.  The key to working with our differences is in first accepting the fact that we are different.  Once we realize that, our expectations of each other become more realistic.  We don’t ask more than what the other can give.  What could otherwise escalate into World War 3 then becomes a moment of understanding- which your man will appreciate you more for.

So the next time your man seems to take forever to reply to your text messages, give him the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe the dog ate his cellphone…

Sugar and Fights and Everything Not So Nice

It’s videoke night tomorrow, and I’m all psyched up about what song I’m going to sing: It was a tough decision between Climb Every Mountain and Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patti Smith (or is it Patty Smyth?), but the latter won in the end.

The major thing which influenced this choice was because last night, an old friend caught me online and chatted with me about another one of her boyfriend dilemmas.  They’ve been together for 3 years now, but the relationship pales in comparison to a fairy tale romance.  Their happy ever after has always been cut off by countless fights.  They do love each other, no doubt.  It’s just that they can’t seem to get a better handle on those disagreements.   They have perfected the art of getting back together after breaking up so many times.

Far be it from me to be a marriage counselor with her own talk show on primetime TV, I think I may have one or two pieces of relationship advice up my sleeve which might be worth heeding.

Sometimes love isn’t enough.

It’s not enough that you love someone.  You have to be able to live with him or her.  You have to be able to sort through your issues together, and not end up always feeling all sad and angry.  Sure, relationships aren’t a bed of roses, and there will be fights along the way.  But if these fights leave you both constantly going for each other’s throats and you feel that your self-esteem is slowly being gnawed at, then it’s time to take action.

Try talking things out with your partner, or better seek the help of a counselor.  Even for a brief moment, leave all feelings of blame outside the door, and listen to what each one has to say.  You should then be able to sift through your major and minor problems.

If things still don’t work out, maybe it’s time to call it quits.  I read somewhere that “loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be together”.  If being a couple doesn’t make you both happy, then it’s a sign the relationship has to end, while you still have some respect left for each other.

Enough with the heavy stuff, and on with the singing…