Dealing with negative emotions

I have a confession to make.  I sometimes tend to be a negative person.  Negative, not in terms of polarity, but in attitude.  I am so inclined to make mountains out of molehills.  What makes me feel worse is the fact that this negativity rubs off on other people… the very people I love.

Little things get to me…a flat tire, the neighbor’s raspy karaoke voice.  And before I know it, I’m lashing out on my significant other.  When negativity strikes, all hell breaks loose.

Emotions are a result of our thoughts, and not facts.  If you’ve failed once at an attempt to win a girl, and you feel that all hope is lost at finding true love, well, that doesn’t actually mean that you will never succeed.  You feel hopeless, because you THINK everything is hopeless.  So, when I feel depressed because I feel there is no solution to a problem at hand, that’s merely a result of how I think.  It doesn’t mean that there is no solution.

I hope there was a cure for this, a bitter pill I could just as easily swallow.  But it seems to be ingrained in my personality.  And they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  But then again, you’re never too old to learn…


Insecurity is the root of all evil

They say money is the root of all evil, right? So is insecurity. It is the wellspring of all things negative. Once it hits you, it takes control of every aspect of your personality, and in turn, affects your relationships. It seeks to destroy, instead of to build.

Insecurity takes on many forms. One of which, is jealousy (the unreasonable kind). Bouts of jealousy are normal, and sometimes even healthy in a relationship. But when you get jealous for seemingly no sane reason, things do start to go awry.

We can trace our insecurities from our past childhood experiences. Whatever we are right now is greatly influenced by what we went through as a child. If you had a pretty tough childhood, lacking in parental love and guidance, chances are, you’d grow up somewhat insecure and constantly seeking for affirmation from others.

Other more deep-seated issues may be the underlying cause for our insecurities. In the case of such, we might have to seek professional help. Otherwise, we should be able to deal with these on our own, or preferably, with the help of trusted people who know us best.

As a line from the Desiderata goes:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here”.

So stand tall, stand proud! Leave your insecurities behind.

Shared custody: the good and the bad

I felt a slight pinch in my heart this afternoon as I walked my daughter to her father’s car, when he came over to pick her up for his weekend “visitation right”. That’s something I have to cope with each and every week. My ex-husband and I signed a compromise agreement with regards to custody of our daughter, so although my whole world seems to collapse whenever he fetches her, I just have to live with the situation.

Shared custody is somewhat difficult for me, but I should not think of myself too much here. My daughter does need to spend time with her father, as growing up with no father figure can be quite detrimental. It might affect her personality and how she deals with members of the opposite sex, as she grows up. I dread the thought of her, as an impressionable adolescent, looking for a man’s love in the wrong places. I wouldn’t want her to fall prey to a man’s false affections. Ok, paranoia is starting to set in again…

Co-parenting is beneficial to kids of divorced parents, as they still feel that both parents love them dearly despite the reality that they are no longer living together. Physically, the family may be broken, but emotionally, everything’s intact. The child manages to grow up confident in her parents’ love for her, thus she excels in school and in coping with the harsh realities of life.

144 (and more) Reasons to be Happy

There are four days left until the voting for Circle of Moms’ Top 25 Blogs on Single Parenting ends, and I am still reveling in the euphoria it has thus far brought me.

It all began when I got an email from Circle of Moms, saying that my blog has been nominated. I immediately set about the task of asking (short of begging) everyone I knew, from the present and the past, to please vote for me.

I am fortunate enough to have been blessed to be a part of this group of Filipino mommy bloggers from all over the world . We are called PMC (Pinay Mommies Community). They have been consistent in showing their undying support by religiously voting for me each and every single day. I don’t know how I can thank them enough :). I am getting teary-eyed as I write this, seriously! Because of their votes, I am currently on top. I am nothing short of amazed at the miracle of friendship and love, and the power it brings.

I am grateful to all 144 members of PMC. They are reason for this smile plastered on my face. We are one in this. My victory is theirs. Win or lose, we have each other.

5 Signs He Is Into You

Men are as undecipherable as the hieroglyphics of ancient Egypt. Their minds are a tough nut to crack, as they often find it difficult to express how they feel. Having said that, we women still fall head over high heels for them. Under the steady gaze of our man, our knees couldn’t help but melt like polar ice caps under a slightly ozone-depleted atmosphere.

Since men are beings of the un-vocal kind, how do we know exactly how they feel when we’re with them (or without them?)? Here are some signs that your man is really into you:

1. Even if his morning is ruined when he runs a flat tire, he still finds a way to see you, sweaty armpits and all!
2. Twenty minutes after dropping you off from your quick morning date together, he calls to say sorry for forgetting to buy you ice cream.
3. He patiently pushes the grocery cart behind you as you take time scouring the supermarket aisles for that fairly cheap bag of chips.
4. Even if your body pales in comparison to Kim Kardashian’s, he still texts you first thing in the morning to say you are drop-dead gorgeous.
5. Seconds after you get a missed call from him, he puts Stevie Wonder to shame by texting that he just called to say “I love you”.

Men have their ways of showing us that they love us. Ultimately, it will be up to us, the recipient, to decipher if they are sincere in their affections and gestures towards us. If you feel that your man really is into you, then return the favor and make him feel appreciated for his efforts. That boosts their ego, and makes them feel like a million bucks!

Top 3 Ways to Find Love

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Yes, I’m singing to an old U2 tune. I couldn’t help but have that song play over and over in my head as my daughter and I were fervently looking for Easter eggs at an Easter egg hunt we went to yesterday. This reminds me of another thing which men and women alike keep looking for (aside from money)…LOVE!
We search high and low, near or far, but oftentimes, our efforts turn out to be another exercise in futility. The last thing on our minds is to end up growing old alone. What use is a talent in playing the guitar if you have nobody to play for, right? Exactly what must we do to find love?
• Ask to be introduced. This is where your network of friends comes in handy. Sure, Facebook is convenient, but it’s more important to get out there for some face-to-face human contact. Sometimes, if you don’t take some action, it just will never happen. Your friends know you well enough to find you a suitable match, but don’t take it out on them if things don’t work out.
• Steer clear of friends who might bring you down. We attract from the universe what we put into it, so if we go out there with a negative attitude about finding love, we just might succeed at never finding it. If you keep spending your weekends with your group of single, man-hater girlfriends, chances are, you’ll end up like them.
• Stop looking. Hasn’t it happened many times, that you’ve been looking all over for your glasses, only to find it hanging around your neck? Sometimes, the one thing we keep searching long and hard for has just been sitting right under our nose the whole time.
Finding love…well, at least real and lasting type, is never easy. There will be hits and misses along the way, but that’s all part of the ride. We fall, we get bruised, we get back up. Just as it says in the famous poem Desiderata: “whether or not it is clear to us, the universe is unfolding as it should”…


How to get your man to listen

The most common root of all arguments between a man and a woman is when the woman feels neglected when she feels her man isn’t listening to what she has to say. When the man starts zoning out as she’s talking, molehills turn into mountains, as little disagreements helplessly get blown out of proportion. This is yet another one of those “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” issues. So, what are the effective ways to get your man to listen? For the love of bullets, here’s a brief list:

  • First of all, decide if the topic you want to bring up is of interest to him. If you want to merely rant about that hairdresser who picked the wrong hair color for you, then it’s best to save that for your next night out with the girls.
  • Guys just hate it when you beat around the bush. We are well aware that they have short attention spans.
  • Get to the point. Sure, you want to vent, but you must keep in mind that guys are natural problem-solvers. They’d rather you told them upfront what it was they can do to help you feel better. It’s best to come to them with a line like, “Baby, I need you to help me with this…” This makes them feel that you have faith in their capacity to solve your problem.
  • Men are visual beings (as if you didn’t already know!). It wouldn’t hurt if you approached him with your problem while you’re in your sexy tank top. That, coupled with a come-hither look will surely keep his attention for a reasonable amount of time.
  • Timing is everything. Be careful not to initiate talking to him while he’s at work, or on his way to work, or when he just got home from work. And the most sacred of all rules, is never to interrupt while he’s watching his favorite game on TV. It’s best to wait when he’s in a better mood, like in the car, while he’s driving.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to know that men are easily distracted. In order to get him to listen, no, it’s not high time to get out the ball and chain. The key is to keep his interest in what you have to say…and of course, in how you look.

How to make your love last

Credit: Free images from
If you tossed out all your “breakup songs” CDs or sold them on ebay, then you’re on the right track. You’ve finally decided that you’re going to make your current relationship last. Love is a concept which is written and talked about so much, but it’s often the most misunderstood. No other emotion can make us laugh and cry all in one breath. Well, if you want the laughing part of love to last, here’s how:

• Invest your time- if you want anything to grow, [Read more…]

How to make divorce easy on children

To say that I am crestfallen is an understatement. My heart feels as if it’s been crushed to pieces. No, it’s not because a man broke my heart (although I would feel as bad). It’s because my 5-year old daughter asked me this: “Mama, why are you and Papa living apart? Can you please get back together?” [Read more…]

How to survive a long-distance relationship

If you feel that insanity is slowly starting to creep up on you because you haven’t seen your boyfriend or husband in ages, don’t shave your head just yet. Long-distance relationships are not at all uncommon these days, what with unforeseen and inevitable circumstances forcing couples to be apart. Mile-long stretches of sand or sea may be physically between you and your loved one but that’s all it is…physical distance. What they say still holds true: love conquers all. Here are some things you can do to battle the LDR (long-distance relationship) blues:

Have faith– and I’m not just singing a George Michael song here. [Read more…]