4 Reasons You Should Not Be Jealous Of Your Man’s Female Friends

Confidence is sexy.  Jealousy is downright ugly and unappealing.  When the green-eyed monster takes over, all hell breaks loose.  And that ruins instead of builds relationships.  Jealousy, when within the bounds of reason, can sometimes be healthy in a relationship.  But when we (I say “we”, hoping that I’m not alone in this boat) make a huge deal out of it when our boyfriend or husband simply receives a harmless text message from one of his old female friends, then that becomes plain foolish.  So, why should you not be jealous of our man’s female friends? [Read more…]

Why you should forgive your ex

It’s all water under the bridge…bury the hatchet.  I can go on with endless clichés on letting go of the past and of forgiveness, but I’m sure most of you will agree with me that this is no walk in the park.  It’s never easy to forgive someone who has hurt you real bad.  You sometimes feel you need supernatural powers just to be able to absolve someone from how he, or she, crushed your heart to smithereens. [Read more…]

Coping With the Absent Father Syndrome

Photo credit: Google Images

I guess it’s safe to say that most, if not all of us grew up with the idea that the father is the head of the family.  No family is complete without the head, just as no living body is anatomically complete without a head above it.  But what if the family has no head? What if, for one reason or another, a father figure is lacking in the family picture?  Can a mother and her kids alone still thrive as a normal family?

The answer, of course, is a resounding “yes!”  Families nowadays no longer strictly comprise of father, mother, brother, sister and the family dog.  The white picket fence has been replaced with a rundown condo parking slot.  Single parent families are now a dime a dozen, and they prove to produce well-raised kids despite the circumstances.  So, how can you cope with an absent father situation?

Call.  This is what your kid’s dad should do everyday.  Even if that means he has to briefly chat with your kid as he walks to his car from the office.  You can never underestimate the power of communication.  Although his father’s away, your kid won’t feel his absence if he makes it a habit to call everyday, just to ask how your kid’s day went.

Listen. More than talking, your kid’s dad should learn the art of listening to his kids.  He should show a genuine interest in your kid’s ramblings.

Build.  The relationship, that is.  Even if it’s just over Skype, your kid’s dad must try to connect with his kids.  He should start learning the lyrics to Katy Perry’s Firework (or is it Fireworks?) , so they can sing together via webcam.

If your kid’s father is out of the country because of work, or if your kid’s father is now your ex-husband, you can still work around that.  A little effort goes a long way.

 

 

Why men love librarians

Pardon me if I’m alluding to the old stereotype of the bespectacled librarian with her hair in a tight bun. I’m simply using it as a personification of someone which men would find absolutely sexy. More than a scantily clad model in a Playboy centerfold, men find an irresistible appeal from women who are unreachable, so to speak. Why do men find these women sexy? Here are the reasons why [Read more…]

Tips on Giving a Man Flowers

It’s almost Father’s Day, and if you’re still struggling for a gift for the most special man in your life, then right here’s where your dilemma ends.  Although the idea seems slightly irreverent at first, if you give it some thought, it’s quite unique and memorable.  Sure, masculinity is hardly associated with fresh blooms, but it would be a good idea to give your man flowers.  If you’re worried about your hubby or father raising his eyebrows and shuddering at the mere thought of you giving him flowers, here are some tips on how to somehow take the torture out of this task:

Pastels tend to spell femininity, so it would be wise to steer clear of pinks and peaches.  You could instead pick out more vivid colors such as bright yellows, oranges, and fiery reds.

When it comes to which types of flowers to choose, go for birds of paradise, anthuriums or orchids.  These are somewhat sturdier and more full-bodied, so to speak.  Shun the fluffy bouquets.  Your man would prefer a contemporary linear or angular arrangement.

To make it more personal, consider your man’s interests or hobbies.  For instance, if he’s a basketball fan, throw in some tickets to the next game with the flowers.  Or you could even color-coordinate the flowers according to the colors of his favorite team.

Even if your man isn’t into flowers, he’ll definitely appreciate the effort you put into it.  Not to mention, it’s a subtle hint for him to give you flowers too.

 

Top 5 things you wish you could tell your mother-in-law

Sure, she only has the best intentions in mind when she comes over almost everyday and unmindfully moves things around the house.  But sometimes this habit tends to be an irritating pain in the arse, and you’re left helplessly sitting in a corner, pulling your hair out.  If you had enough guts, these are probably the things you’d tell her to her face:

  1. I wish you would give me prior notice when you plan on coming for a visit.  This is so I can put on my happy face, at least for as long (or short) as you’re there.
  2. When I say you can’t come over, it’s not because I’m keeping your grandchildren away from you.  It’s just because we just want some quiet time as a family.  We’ll just see you next weekend.  We’ll be the ones to come over.
  3. Why do you have to be so overbearing?  Your son is no longer a boy who has to be told what to do, especially when it comes to our problems at home.  If we need your help, we’ll go ahead and ask you.
  4. Can you blame me if I’m an opinionated woman who stands up for myself, and for my family?  When I voice out what I think, I’m not trying to disrespect you.  I’m merely trying to make a point.
  5. This bottle of tequila in my hand? I plan to down it all, just so I could wash away evil thoughts of you.

Dealing with negative emotions

I have a confession to make.  I sometimes tend to be a negative person.  Negative, not in terms of polarity, but in attitude.  I am so inclined to make mountains out of molehills.  What makes me feel worse is the fact that this negativity rubs off on other people… the very people I love.

Little things get to me…a flat tire, the neighbor’s raspy karaoke voice.  And before I know it, I’m lashing out on my significant other.  When negativity strikes, all hell breaks loose.

Emotions are a result of our thoughts, and not facts.  If you’ve failed once at an attempt to win a girl, and you feel that all hope is lost at finding true love, well, that doesn’t actually mean that you will never succeed.  You feel hopeless, because you THINK everything is hopeless.  So, when I feel depressed because I feel there is no solution to a problem at hand, that’s merely a result of how I think.  It doesn’t mean that there is no solution.

I hope there was a cure for this, a bitter pill I could just as easily swallow.  But it seems to be ingrained in my personality.  And they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  But then again, you’re never too old to learn…

 

Insecurity is the root of all evil

They say money is the root of all evil, right? So is insecurity. It is the wellspring of all things negative. Once it hits you, it takes control of every aspect of your personality, and in turn, affects your relationships. It seeks to destroy, instead of to build.

Insecurity takes on many forms. One of which, is jealousy (the unreasonable kind). Bouts of jealousy are normal, and sometimes even healthy in a relationship. But when you get jealous for seemingly no sane reason, things do start to go awry.

We can trace our insecurities from our past childhood experiences. Whatever we are right now is greatly influenced by what we went through as a child. If you had a pretty tough childhood, lacking in parental love and guidance, chances are, you’d grow up somewhat insecure and constantly seeking for affirmation from others.

Other more deep-seated issues may be the underlying cause for our insecurities. In the case of such, we might have to seek professional help. Otherwise, we should be able to deal with these on our own, or preferably, with the help of trusted people who know us best.

As a line from the Desiderata goes:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here”.

So stand tall, stand proud! Leave your insecurities behind.

Shared custody: the good and the bad

I felt a slight pinch in my heart this afternoon as I walked my daughter to her father’s car, when he came over to pick her up for his weekend “visitation right”. That’s something I have to cope with each and every week. My ex-husband and I signed a compromise agreement with regards to custody of our daughter, so although my whole world seems to collapse whenever he fetches her, I just have to live with the situation.

Shared custody is somewhat difficult for me, but I should not think of myself too much here. My daughter does need to spend time with her father, as growing up with no father figure can be quite detrimental. It might affect her personality and how she deals with members of the opposite sex, as she grows up. I dread the thought of her, as an impressionable adolescent, looking for a man’s love in the wrong places. I wouldn’t want her to fall prey to a man’s false affections. Ok, paranoia is starting to set in again…

Co-parenting is beneficial to kids of divorced parents, as they still feel that both parents love them dearly despite the reality that they are no longer living together. Physically, the family may be broken, but emotionally, everything’s intact. The child manages to grow up confident in her parents’ love for her, thus she excels in school and in coping with the harsh realities of life.

144 (and more) Reasons to be Happy

There are four days left until the voting for Circle of Moms’ Top 25 Blogs on Single Parenting ends, and I am still reveling in the euphoria it has thus far brought me.

It all began when I got an email from Circle of Moms, saying that my blog has been nominated. I immediately set about the task of asking (short of begging) everyone I knew, from the present and the past, to please vote for me.

I am fortunate enough to have been blessed to be a part of this group of Filipino mommy bloggers from all over the world . We are called PMC (Pinay Mommies Community). They have been consistent in showing their undying support by religiously voting for me each and every single day. I don’t know how I can thank them enough :). I am getting teary-eyed as I write this, seriously! Because of their votes, I am currently on top. I am nothing short of amazed at the miracle of friendship and love, and the power it brings.

I am grateful to all 144 members of PMC. They are reason for this smile plastered on my face. We are one in this. My victory is theirs. Win or lose, we have each other.