Change is good. It always is. And I have to say that I just recently had an epiphany of sorts, and it has altered the way I think and feel in ways I could only previously imagine.
I feel that I have always been overly dependent on my daughter. I almost feel sorry for putting her in a position where she was my wellspring of happiness and self-worth. I knew that on a subconscious level, the reason “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” from Frozen keeps playing inside my head is that I have associated it with my daughter. Whatever she likes, I like too. It’s as if I’ve lost my identity and wrapped myself emotionally and mentally around her. That’s just totally unhealthy.
She was my number one. Everything else took a step back. But when I started reading the Wealthy Single Mommy blog, I learned how important it is that we don’t put our kids first.
Now before you feed me to the lions, hear me out.
Yes, I love my daughter. I love her to the moon and back. But that doesn’t mean that I live for her. That she’s the reason for my existence. Eventually, she’ll grow up and have a life of her own.
My job now is to be an example to her, to show her what it’s like to live a full and rich life. I have to show her that it’s not her obligation to make me happy, that I can do that by myself.
I realize how my old mindset has carried over to my just-recently-ended romantic relationship. Probably one of the reasons it didn’t work out, was because my then boyfriend saw how much of a doting mother I was to my daughter. He felt out of place. He felt less than important. If I knew then what I know now, it would have made a whole world of difference.
My daughter is staying at her Dad’s for two weeks. I’m at the halfway mark, and I’m proud to say that I no longer achingly pine away for her. The gassy anxiety spells I used to have are now a thing of the past. I enjoy my time alone, like a normal and healthy adult should.
If and when love comes knocking on my door again, I’ll know better to give him the attention he needs and deserves. If he asks me out to a Gin Blossoms concert even on a weeknight, I’ll go.
Happy parents make happier kids. If you know how to take care of yourself, then you’ll be better and more effective at taking care of your children. That’s how it all adds up in the parenting equation.