Religion Bites

About two weeks ago, I did something which I haven’t done in ages- I went to church.  I went through the motions like I always have.   Growing up in a Catholic school, making the sign of the cross and clutching the rosary used to be part of my everyday life.

And then something happened… I cried.  Not the bawl your eyes out kind.  It was more of the silent, sniffy, discreetly-pat-your-eyes-with-a-tissue type of crying.

When I was a kid, I remember feeling a sense of calm and comfort whenever I went to church.  I felt that same comfort that moment I cried, but I knew something was amiss.  For the life of me, I don’t know exactly why I cried, but I just felt deep down inside that I was still looking for answers to questions.

No doubt, I believe in God. But I just want to be guided correctly.  I don’t want to fall prey to empty pagan practices.  I want to believe in what is true.

I don’t have anything against the Catholic religion- or any religion, for that matter.  If it’s religion which gives people hope and strength, then I’m all for it.

Faith, they say, is believing without knowing (or something like that!).  Does the fact that I want some sort of evidence of what is real diminish my faith in God?  Am I going to be fed to the lions now?

The One Without a Witty Title

More than two weeks have gone by, and I still haven’t written a new post for this blog.  This is more than a simple case of writer’s block.

Just like a romance gone sour, I feel I have lost my passion to write.  The motivation to weave words into moving pieces has taken a one-way ticket to oblivion.  I’d much rather curl myself up in a corner and immerse myself in a book, or daydream the whole day while pigging out on greasy burgers and fries.

Could this be merely a phase?  I hope so.  It would be a shame to put all this hard work to waste.

Until I sort my goals out, I will be stuck in limbo, uncertain of what steps to take next.  I’m unsure of where I’m headed.

Now, this has just turned into an utterly boring blog post, devoid of any moral, social or emotional significance.

I’m pathetic.

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

Guilty.  That’s what I am.  Yes, I’m guilty of once again daydreaming at work.

For the longest time, I’ve had this job-dissatisfaction bug pester me.  It’s not something I can easily shake off, I’m afraid.

At some point in your career, you just inevitably hit a roadblock, a seemingly dead end.  You can’t move left, right or upwards.

So, what does it take to quit one’s job?  A boss straight out of hell?  Crappy employee benefits?  If only it were that easy to do a Jerry Maguire and walk out of the office with goldfish in hand.

If you do decide to make a cadaver of your present job, make sure you have a backup plan.  They say that it’s important to have at least 3-months’ worth of your salary to help with your expenses during your employment downtime.

Take stock of your skills and talents.  Is there a career which could give you a chance to earn while doing whatever it is you’re good at?  Do an inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, and find a job which these fit into.

Take a shot at talking to your boss about your discontent with your job, and maybe he or she can help spice things up a bit for you at work.  He can give you more challenging projects to work on, and you’ll

Then again, maybe all you need is a major paradigm shift.  Try seeing your job in a different light.  You might learn to appreciate it more, instead of heading out the exit door.

Your happiness will play a huge role in your productivity at work.  Be sure to assess everything before making a life-altering decision.  You should at least wear a smile if you want to keep being part of the rat race.

Midday Musings

Blank

My mind is blank

Can this pass as poetry?

I seriously doubt that.

My mind is blank, but at the same time, a million things are going around in my head.

Talk about irony!

A swirl of emotions envelops my being, takes control…

Leaves me with writer’s block

And a heart that longs for…

Him

Me vs. Me: How to Stop Battling With Ourselves

You are your worst critic.  I know I am mine.    Not a day goes by that I don’t engage myself in intermittent self-berating sessions whenever I fail at something.  No matter how trivial the mistake, I always seem to make a mountain out of it.  The otherwise negligible error is then catapulted to major blunder status.

And where does that leave me?  I end up feeling more miserable than I was at the beginning.  Instead of simply getting over what I did, I keep playing the scenario over and over in my head, making corrections as I go.  Doesn’t help at all, because what’s done is done.  It just tires me like a Despicable Me minion doing a half-marathon.

We all have our respective concerns from which emotions of fear, anger and worry emerge.  We often unconsciously spend so much time trying to steer clear of these concerns.  What happens is, the more we push them away, the more they have a hold on us.

For instance, your major concern is your discontent with your current job.  Then, your fears and worries will revolve around finding a new job which is more fulfilling.  You become stressed out from scouring the net for employment opportunities.  You may find yourself lashing out at your co-workers for seemingly no reason at all.

Once we become more aware of the patterns of habit from our areas of concern, we become more in control of ourselves.  If you start to acknowledge your job dissatisfaction, then you will be able to have more control over the emotions springing from that, instead of having those feelings take over you.

Teach yourself to accept whatever life circumstance you’re in.  Do not resist how you feel.  If you react to things a certain way, don’t punish yourself for it.  Just allow the feelings to pass through your body, in and out.   Purge, instead of repress.

It’s all about being true to oneself.  Accept who you are, and you will be more forgiving of yourself- and others as well.  Everything else will then nicely fall into place.

The Emotional Detox: I Cleanse, Therefore I Am

One particular childhood experience which I don’t intend to relive is deworming.  It was crazy but had to be done.  These days, I have been putting myself through a different kind of purging.  It’s an emotional detox of sorts.  I have made a vow to myself to get rid of the toxic people in my life.

What or rather, who are these toxic people?  They’re the ones who put you down, who use and abuse you, who make you feel like scum of the earth (when in fact THEY’RE scum).   Instead of reveling in your accomplishments, they trivialize it.  They make you drive to far-flung outskirts of the city just to pick up roast pork for a birthday celebration.

Before things take their toll on my overall health, I have decided to let go of these people, to expunge them from my life once and for all.  They’re like the stubbly hairs on my otherwise silky legs which I’d like to get rid of.   They’re the people who stain my rose-colored glasses, blurring my view of the world.

How do I do it, then?  When they try to get in touch with me, I turn a blind eye or a deaf ear.  I numbly run my calloused fingers over our virtual book of memories together.  Those places and events no longer elicit any emotional response from me like they used to.

Negativity is my enemy.  It should be yours too.

50 Shades of Lingerie

Insecurity attacks even the most confident among us.  It’s that double-edged sword which pierces through our self-esteem and leaves us unmotivated to do most anything. There are days when we feel we can conquer the world, while there are days when we feel so ugly that we’d rather hide behind Kim Kardashian’s pregnant butt.  When our supply of self-confidence hits rock bottom, we look for a quick fix, an antidote to revive that dying ego.  If there’s one thing we can count on, we can always turn to lingerie.

The way you look does affect the way you feel.  Lady Gaga wouldn’t be that bold and brazen woman we know if it weren’t for the way she dressed.  Your boss wouldn’t be so confident if she didn’t walk around with her Prada bag in tow.

As for me, I find that putting on some lingerie helps boost my ego.  It’s not because I have a body which would give Hugh Hefner his stamp of approval.  It’s because lingerie makes me FEEL that I have a body like that.  Even if I won’t be spreading my legs in a magazine centerfold nor doing a striptease at a stag party, wearing lingerie makes me feel like a sexy beast.

So whenever you feel that your faith in yourself hangs a little low, why not try getting yourself that corset you’ve been eyeing on http://www.5starslingerie.com.  You’ll realize that have quite a number of options when it comes to boosting your confidence.  We women will venture to go out there brimming with unabashed pride- one bustier at a time…

My Childhood Lawn: Memoirs of Heaven Lost

Spring has sprung.  It feels so good just saying that, as this is the season which brings hope for new things.  Hope is something I am in desperate need of right now.  Things have seemed to hit a blank wall, and I’m dying for direction and purpose.  I don’t know where to go, or how to get to where I should be.

This takes me back a hundred years to when I was 9 years old.  My place of refuge has always been our lawn.  The way my mother took care of it, she would have made the experts at lawn care in Springfield, MO cringe in shame.  The grass was so properly kept, and I remember spending hours just laying down on it, like it was a Persian carpet.  I don’t remember any pesky insects bugging me then.  There was a huge tree whose shade gave me the comfort I needed when I needed it.  I’d sit on the grass and lean against it, like it was my mother’s bosom.  That lawn was my slice of heaven here on earth.

I’d look up into the sky, and make figures out of the clouds.  I’d imagine being a princess riding on a horse with my prince charming.  Everything was perfect whenever I lounged on that lawn.  All my fears and worries seemed to melt away like a popsicle in my hand on a hot summer’s day.

Now, I find myself yearning for that lawn.  I wish I had that place of refuge today.  More than ever, I need reassuring from that shady tree.  I long for the soft grass where I could safely hit my head without suffering a concussion.

Why is heaven on earth so elusive these days?  Has it really vanished into thin air, or is there somehow some form of heavenly bliss here which I’m only blinded to.  Am I looking for heaven in the wrong place?

All I really want is to be a kid again- stripped of paralyzing fear and needless worry.  But I can’t go back.  I have no lawn to return to.  All I have is here and now.

What I want, I can’t have.  There’s one other thing I really, really want, but I don’t think I’ll ever get it.  Even if I threw a tantrum at God, He might just turn a deaf ear.  When will things take a turn for the better?  Maturity sucks big time…

A Summerrific Summer: Fun Times With My Daughter

Image courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In this part of the globe, at this time of year, the sun is king.  Kids- and adults- all over are chanting Bugs Bunny’s infamous “No more classes no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks…” Yes, it’s finally summertime.

With the sun beating down so heavily and mercilessly, I dream of spending languorous days at the four seasons hualalai with my daughter.  The beach beckons with its undulating waves crashing the shore.  I ache for a pina colada as I dreamily gaze out to sea.

I’ve been to many beach vacations in my life, but I find that the ones I really enjoy the most are those with my daughter.  She enjoys the sun and sand, while I enjoy relaxing and watching her play on the shore.

Going on vacations with my girl reminds me of the things in life which I should be most grateful for.  I may not have some things which others possess, but what I do have, these are enough.  I never really had a body meant for Baywatch, but I do know how to project and exude an aura of undisputed sexiness.  (Yes, I simply had to sneak that in!).  Ours may not be the ideal family, but my daughter and I are happy.

So, the next time you’re feeling stuck in a rut, take a quick vacation.  It’ll help you recharge and change your perspective on things.  It’ll make you feel sexy too!

When Thoughts Shift to a Career Shift…

Too much of anything is bad.  I relearned that life lesson today, as I feel I’ve had way too much coffee this morning.  I’m starting to feel a bit more jittery than usual, that the shakes are surely going to register on the Richter scale.

More than the coffee overload, what’s really gotten to me this morning is this aching urge to just get up and go.  I mean, packing all my office stuff inside a box and quitting my job in true Jerry Maguire fashion.  Truth be told, I have been stuck in a career rut, and I feel I’m going nowhere.  Here in the company I work for, there’s no opportunity for any more career growth.  I can’t go any higher than where I am now.  I am left staring at the glass mosaic floor in my imaginary world, thinking about what is to become of me.

I’m serious about a career shift.  More than money, what really motivates me is the fulfillment I get from whatever it is I do.

Before anything else, I must clearly identify what I want, and what I’m capable of doing.   Yesterday, I took two tests, and found out that I’m left-brain dominant.  That should help in deciding which career path to take.

And then, I’m going to look for jobs which align with my personality and career goals. I’m going to take classes in line with that new career, say a little prayer, and keep my fingers crossed.

It’s never too late, they say.  I feel compelled to believe them…