How to Communicate With Your Man- Really!

Before you leave this page and think about what kind of a sick, crazy nut I am- a divorced single mom giving out relationship advice- please do give me a chance and hear me out.  I don’t claim to be an expert at anything which closely relates to relationships, but I have learned an important thing or two in my past failures, so to speak.  In all the rubble left by my broken relationships, I’ve been able to unearth an essential ingredient which spells the success of love and romance.  And that is communication.

Communication is a significant factor which binds two people in a loving relationship.  How you communicate your feelings to your partner will greatly determine the fate of your union.

The problem with us women is that we tend to talk too much, that men oftentimes just shut down all auditory acuity.  They don’t listen, and this sends us into fits of rage which hell’s fury cannot hold a candle to.

So is it ever possible to really get through to a man?  The key is in not pointing out his flaws.  As much as we’d like to change him, we simply can’t, and shouldn’t.  We can’t just ask him to stop smoking, and expect him to quit cold turkey.

When talking to a man, we try not to blame him.  If we want to try to get him to do something for us, or to “change”, we do so in a way which doesn’t accuse.  For instance, if you’re sick and tired of him always coming home late at night without letting you know where he’s at, here’s what you can say:

I don’t like that I feel angry, and that I sound like I’m always complaining.  What do you think can we do to fix this?

The less words the better.  It’s about letting him know that you’re frustrated without directly blaming him for anything.  And by asking him about what he thinks, you are passing on the problem to him.  You’re now giving him the opportunity to make things better.

Because a man constantly faces a barrage of information from work and whatnot, he gets distracted and tunes you out.  They aren’t great multi-taskers like us women, remember?  But if we tell him our feelings and emotions in ways he can hear, and without pointing a finger, that puts him back in the zone.

About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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  1. This is such a good lesson that I have spent years trying to learn. It’s really hard to remember that your hubby/best friend can’t quite get you like your best girl friend. You’re totally right–the communication has to be different. I’m still working on it–thanks for a great reminder!

  2. that is so true! And even after 19 years of marriage I still often forget it… Communication is key!

  3. It’s a good thing I learned about this when my husband and I were still dating. He absolutely hates it when I nag, but every once in awhile I feel like spewing a barrage of complaints at him. LOL.

  4. Roz K. Walker says

    Good communication is so vital in any relationship. Learning to communicate your feelings without putting the other person on defense is an ongoing job, but vital to keeping the relationship healthy and thriving. I haven’t totally mastered it yet, but I have learned to quickly recognize when I’m off-track, and how to redirect my comments.

    Thanks for sharing the lessons you’ve learned. Sometimes the best lessons are from those who have made mistakes and then learned from them.

  5. This is so true! Men do not like being nagged and accused of something. Always be kind and gentle with them ; p


  6. I agree with you Pepper. We tend to talk to much and complain and men get irritated so they end up pissing us off more. haha On the contrary they hate silent treatment. hmmm :D

  7. In other words, men don’t like being told off

    Yes, I agree to every word you have written down

    Keep studying them so we can learn more from your articles

    Thank you for this one

  8. okay, I get it. So that is why he just shrugs me off every single time I nag at him:D wait, not practically or literally “nagging” because I don’t shout nor talk at him when I am angry, but I do send him a hell lot of text messages in broken parts and he doesn’t even reply to any of it. teehee. I will follow your advise here sis:)

  9. definitely something I’m still working at to this very day. :)

  10. This is so true. I have read different articles on how to make a relationship last longer and communication is one of the important things we have to remember. :)

  11. nice one Pepper! communication indeed is the key to a good relationship :)

  12. Quit Smoking says

    Awesome article Pepper. I really liked the article. The header logo of your site is awesome too. Did you design it yourself?


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