How to make divorce easy on children

To say that I am crestfallen is an understatement. My heart feels as if it’s been crushed to pieces. No, it’s not because a man broke my heart (although I would feel as bad). It’s because my 5-year old daughter asked me this: “Mama, why are you and Papa living apart? Can you please get back together?”

It’s the million-dollar question I’ve been dreading her to ask. I guess, she has come of age to know what’s different, as she has been able to compare her family set-up with that of her classmates’. For the first time, I was stumped for an answer. All I could come up with was, “Your Papa and I are apart, because where he lives now is closer to his office, and where you and I live is closer to mine”. I knew she didn’t buy that, but that’s all I can think of. She just fell silent afterwards.

Kids never choose for this to happen. Their parents separating is farthest from their minds. But, when it does happen, a whole lot of emotions come to surface. There’s the inevitable feeling of guilt, as they feel that their parents separated maybe because of something they did. And then, they start feeling different from their peers.

So, how do we parents deal with this? When our kids are in pain, we feel it a hundredfold. What we could do, is just to keep assuring them that whatever has happened, is not of their doing. And that we love them even if things didn’t work out between mom and dad.

It’s never easy…but with our constant love and attention, kids of divorced parents will grow up just fine.

About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

Catch me on G+.


  1. mommy jes says

    aw I can imagine how sad your kids are ….if I am in that situation for sure my kids can’t take that easily.

  2. Lexie is a bright girl. She’ll understand :) And I believe in your mother-power, she will grow up just fine like you said :)

  3. gie santos says

    yay peps, that is indeed a very hard thing to explain to kids and who knows what else. but i believe lexie is just as strong as you are and yes they will definitely grow up ok as long as she is guided the right way and choose the right kinds of peers. god bless you both. :)

  4. when the kids are affected, that really is the saddest part. be strong – God will always guide you to be the best mother and guide for your child. :)

  5. Cielo of Brown Pinay says

    Visiting you from TBE.

    God bless you in your single parenting journey. I do understand your predicament, although I am from a happy family, I have a sister with the same predicament as yours…always be strong….

  6. I believe lexie is as strong as you will be and yes they should definitely grow up ok providing she is guided the proper way. When the small children are affected, that really is the saddest section, God Bless you both.

  7. I totally agree with you. With constant love and attention, kids will be fine. They have to be taught how to be constructive despite the predicament they are in. It would matter much if mothers (or fathers, as the case maybe) would show their children the strong faith and determination to get along. This will come easy if there is no resentment or hatred felt from them.

  8. I am in a terrible emotional state! I am married now for 29 years. I am a 47 year old female. I have 2 sons 23 and 17. My husband went into a depression state about 8/9 years ago, was boarded from work, was admitted to a mental hospital twice and since then he has been on medication for major depression. He was also diagnosed as being biopolar. I have been there for him, supported him through it all. He reached a stage where he would play powerful mind games with me and my kids. We went through hell with him. As time passed my feelings for him started to die. I started chatting on my phone with friends and later i started chatting to two or three men. I couldnt go out to friends, he wouldnt let me go anywhere. I was and still am stuck between work and home. There is no socialising at all, I cant go to the mall on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon without him or my olderst son texting me very 5 min asking me where I am, what am i doing, why am I taking so long…….. I ran away with my youngest son about 3 years ago, to a man i chatted to on my phone. After 10 days he came to fetch his son and I went back home as well. There are so many things he did. The only “pleasure” or relaxation I had and still have is to chat on my phone or read. Obviously that brings along many fights and arguments (me chatting on my phone). He would take my phone when I sleep and go through everything. Im not trying to justify what imdoing by saying he is the reason Im doing this, I am no innocent angel, but his actions and attitude and what he has done before certainly contributed to me seeking companionship elsewhere. In all my life I havent been so unhappy as I am now. The only thing keeping me from divorcing him is my 17 year old son. It will break my heart to hurt him. Ive got no one to talk to about this. I have met someone (by phone and its to him I went to when I ran away before) about 4 years ago. He is divorced, my age and he has been there for me all this time, trying to give advice, etc. I dont want anything from my husband if I leave him, all I want is my freedom. I cant carry on living like this, pretending everything is ok, while its not. That is how its been the last few years, me pretending everything is ok, smile and laugh with my kids and him just to keep the peace. My husband is the type of person that gets very very aggresive when being rejected, if I must tell him I want a divorce, he will through me to the wolves there and then. I realy dont know what is the right thing to do here, or how do I go about being happy again. At the moment it feels like I am going to go off my head very soon. I dont want to be with him, when I look at him there is only disgust, no love at all! Im dead inside, there is no feelings for him. I dont want to live this life anymore. I want to LIVE!!!! Please give me some advise :(

  9. its so hard on the kids! Thank you for being so honest and reminding everyone that the kids should be the focus. I ran across this app that helps with that called your readers might be interested in hearing about it.


  1. […] ask questions about why her daddy and I are no longer together. Here’s my blog post on that: . The best answer I could come up with, when she first asked me that question, was that her papa […]

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