Mommy Red Flag: The Beginnings of Domestic Violence

Pop quiz: Who said the following… “I like to fight her because I don’t want to fall in love with her!  She’s so pretty.”

  1. The neighbor with the unshaved chin and maniacal laugh.
  2. Brad Pitt
  3. A 5-year old boy at school.

If you answered C, you’re right.  I felt my jaw drop and couldn’t believe it myself when I heard that boy say that after slapping a cute little girl smack in the face, making her cry and fall to the floor.  Turns out, he does this on a regular basis.  On one occasion, one of the teachers caught him relentlessly punching that same little girl in the face.

This leaves me utterly stunned, dumbfounded.  I couldn’t make sense of what happened.  I don’t have a degree in Psychology, so I’m clueless about the reason behind that boy’s behavior.  I don’t really feel like Googling this right now…

I am a mother to a girl, and I can’t imagine someone doing that to her.  Just thinking about it sends my blood pressure soaring.

On the other hand, I also pity the boy.  His behavior may be a result of some past traumatic experience.  Could he have special needs which haven’t been addressed?  I reckon this boy has the makings of a future wife-batterer.  Do they really start off this young?  Maybe.  Parents should probably catch this behavior early, and start an intervention plan of action or something.

This is a real eye-opener.  As parents, we should be more vigilant about our children’s behavior.    It’s time to reassess how we are at home and the possible stimuli they get from their social and physical environment.


About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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  1. WTF?!!!!!!!
    That kid just drained the words out of me.

  2. Scary! I hope that little boy gets help.

  3. Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms says

    My nephew was like that when he was about 5 years old – he would punch people. My son naman used to hit as a toddler but that was because he didn’t know any better.

    Perhaps there is something bothering that kid. Not to condone, but it’s not his fault. You’re right in that the parent This is a good topic to research on though. :)

  4. if he’s doing it on a regular basis does anybody( the teacher, parents of the boy and of the girl, the school counselor etc.)made a move to reprimand or stop this boy? I hate bullies..

  5. I can’t even fathom this! I can only pray he gets the help he needs and works on his problems…

  6. By the way, if you want my advice on getting your daughter a dog… I’ve ALWAYS rescued adult dogs and they have been great. The doggie in my post that you commented on is my first puppy and it’s like having a baby! It’s a LOT of work! So unless raising the dog is very important to you, even though kids always want a puppy, I recommend getting a 2 year old or older. I love my adopted older dog just as much as my puppy:)

  7. oh, that makes me sad and angry. I couldn’t imagine if that was my daughter. The little girl could could traumatized from something like this. I also couldn’t imagine if that was my little boy. Where is he picking this up from? At the end of the day he’s still just and innocent little boy. Just sad all the way around.

  8. That makes my blood boil. Holy crap! This is the second post I’ve read on the blogosphere this week about young boys bullying girls. Sickens me. So here’s the part none of us want to mention, the whole situation is infuriating: he’s five, no five year speaks like that; I have one. They talk about pee and poop a lot, but not falling in love and beating girls. Kids learn by example. Sadly, this boy has seen this behavior and heard these words in his life somewhere, I dare say repeatedly. My hope is that someone will get involved and put a stop to it. If he is doing this at five, I hate to think what he’ll be doing at fifteen.

    But on a totally unrelated note, hi Pepper, sorry I haven’t read for so long…but I’m back:)

    • Good to have you back, Cari! :) I missed your comments :)
      Yup, he most probably is modeling someone else’s behavior. I still can’t get over it… I saw it happen before my eyes. I fear for my daughter…

  9. Oh my! I pity the girl and the boy…. I hope his family helps him..

  10. Two years ago, a 6 year old neighborhood boy began bullying my then 8 year old daughter. He would hit her, throw rocks at her, destroyed her volcano school project on the bus, and on and on. I talked with the parents and the school. Nothing would stop him. I stopped letting her out of the yard or ride the bus. And the school did a good job of keeping her safe while there.

    Finally, he moved away. I knew he would – I believe the dad was in jail. Kids like this and the one you wrote about are modeling this behavior, most likely from what they’ve seen. It’s very sad. All my kids, while not angels, were more into matchbox cars and imaginary friends than beating on people when they were six. We have to be sure our kids feel safe in telling us when they’re being bullied so we can help them. Sad, sad situation.

    • Oh my, it’s terrible what your daughter had to go through. And to think, the boy was younger than her! It’s good he finally moved away… far, far away, I hope!

  11. This is so sad!!!

  12. That’s scary. I have no Psychology degree either, but it has to be influence from home… or somewhere.

  13. When I was still together with my husband, he didn’t physically abuse me. But, he talked to me in a demeaning way. Like, “MOM, you don’t know what you’re doing again.” or “MOM, why don’t you do it right?” In a very demeaning and sarcastic tone of voice.

    One of the reasons, why I upped and left him was when one day – Sky TOLD ME THE EXACT SAME THING. And his dad seemed happy to hear him say it to me – and agreed with my son. Sky was just 3.5 years old then.

    Just basing from personal experience, he most probably see this kind of behavior at home :(

    • Your husband was lucky you didn’t poison him to death! Men like him deserve to be tortured until he begs you to stop. I am seething with anger at your ex.

  14. I could understand kids hitting/biting/pinching other kids, I can even call that normal to some extent (there really is a phase when they do that not really knowing what they’re doing) but what scared me was his reason behind his actions and to me, he seems fixated with the little girl? He definitely needs help, that kind of thinking, considering his age, is definitely not normal.

  15. My oldest works for DCFS and she sees some terrible things. She nearly quit when she first started because emotionally is was difficult, but we had a discussion about how these kids need an advocate and that would be her and no one else. Some parents just don’t care. Such a sad, sad thing.

  16. Sedge | noob-dad says

    That’s all sorts of ridiculous. I can understand the poking in the back with a pencil or tugging on some hair back in my school days, but physical violence like this?

    Wow. Parents point to the teacher, and the teacher points back to the parents right? Lovely how we live in a world where no one takes responsibility.


  17. Mama, Hear Me Roar says

    This makes me sad more than anything else. I don’t have a degree in psychology either or know anything about his family background, but his behaviour reminds me of the many children I know who suffer from parental neglect or who come from dysfunctional families. Who will help them or their families?

  18. Samantha Bangayan says

    That is horrifying, Pepper! From all the pre-primary age children I’ve been around, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child act in such a way. Thanks for bringing this to light and reminding us how important the environment is to a child!

  19. There could be plenty of things that cause the little boy to do it, maybe he is just rough, but it could be something more serious. The first thing I think of is that maybe that is what happens in his home, maybe he see violence between mommy and daddy and he thinks it is normal. Domestic violence is a terrible thing and sometimes the person just needs help. Hopefully one day there will no longer be any violence in households, but sadly I don’t really see it happening very soon, hopefully I am wrong though.

  20. Oh my goodness! that boy sure has a way with words… and seems to be a little out of control!

  21. i agree
    Nothing would stop him. I stopped letting her out of the yard or ride the bus. And the school did a good job of keeping her safe while there.

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