Sugar and Fights and Everything Not So Nice

It’s videoke night tomorrow, and I’m all psyched up about what song I’m going to sing: It was a tough decision between Climb Every Mountain and Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patti Smith (or is it Patty Smyth?), but the latter won in the end.

The major thing which influenced this choice was because last night, an old friend caught me online and chatted with me about another one of her boyfriend dilemmas.  They’ve been together for 3 years now, but the relationship pales in comparison to a fairy tale romance.  Their happy ever after has always been cut off by countless fights.  They do love each other, no doubt.  It’s just that they can’t seem to get a better handle on those disagreements.   They have perfected the art of getting back together after breaking up so many times.

Far be it from me to be a marriage counselor with her own talk show on primetime TV, I think I may have one or two pieces of relationship advice up my sleeve which might be worth heeding.

Sometimes love isn’t enough.

It’s not enough that you love someone.  You have to be able to live with him or her.  You have to be able to sort through your issues together, and not end up always feeling all sad and angry.  Sure, relationships aren’t a bed of roses, and there will be fights along the way.  But if these fights leave you both constantly going for each other’s throats and you feel that your self-esteem is slowly being gnawed at, then it’s time to take action.

Try talking things out with your partner, or better seek the help of a counselor.  Even for a brief moment, leave all feelings of blame outside the door, and listen to what each one has to say.  You should then be able to sift through your major and minor problems.

If things still don’t work out, maybe it’s time to call it quits.  I read somewhere that “loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be together”.  If being a couple doesn’t make you both happy, then it’s a sign the relationship has to end, while you still have some respect left for each other.

Enough with the heavy stuff, and on with the singing…

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About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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Comments

  1. Ina-Tay says:

    Hi Pepper!

    I never got married but my last relationship went down the drain because as you said, my “self esteem was slowly being gnawed at.” I reckon I owe it to myself to get out before things go out of hand. It sure wasn’t easy, there are still those nights when I doubt if I made the right choice. When this happens, I immediately reach for my iPod and play Diana Ross’ Heart Don’t Change My Mind :)

  2. Your chosen song contradicts “Love will keep us Alive”. I like the melody of this song, but as the cynic person that I am, when we’re hungry, love won’t keep us alive, as faith can’t move mountains, too.

    It is a daily struggle and a constant battle with your own personal issues and your partner’s (not to mention if you have kid/kids to deal with too). I personally believe that in order to keep a relationship alive is to have self-respect, self-love, and then that’s the time you can be able to share that love and give respect to your partner.

    And then love will be just the ultimate prize.

  3. I’ve found that a lot of people get into relationships before they deal with their own individual issues. Most of the time the relationship is doomed from the start. They are hard enough without the extra stuff.

  4. marriage is a job for sure–to do it right it takes a lot blood (maybe not so literally) sweat and tears.

  5. I agree with your post 100%. I can’t count the number of my friends and acquaintances who think that “Love is all you need” in life. If you’re suffering already, physically and emotionally, it’s really time to let go. I hope you’re friend realizes this. =(

  6. My husband and I have been married for over 35 years. It takes a lot of patience and forgiveness and ignoring the unimportant. One aspect we tend to over look is that self-love and an understanding of who we really are make a significant difference in relationships. Thanks for your post.

    • Wow, 35 years is a long time. A healthy dose of self-love does spell a whole world of difference. That’s something most of us should work on.

  7. I hope you have fun singing tonight.

    I agree marriage isn’t easy and it is a full time job to keep a relationship going.

  8. Sometimes love isn’t enough might be true. I guess you really have to be a match through and through. That’s not so easy to find in life, but it is possible, or do you work on being a match??

    • it’s really difficult to find that match, that jigsaw puzzle piece which fits you perfectly. I guess it’s something you can work on, if you’re really hell bent on getting that someone. Then again, maybe it’s fate at work?

  9. Relationships are really hard work. Some people take years to work things out. Luckily if you’re not married and without kids, there are less things to worry about. But of course love plays dirty tricks on you and your ability to make rational decisions. Only time heals all and sadly, if they don’t get a handle on it, then time might allow them to eventually get so tired of each other that they don’t actually mind not being together anymore. :(

  10. Prashant Patil says:

    Marriage is a full time job, to keep a relationship going.

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