The Revirginization of Me

Well, what do you know?  There is such a word!  I dared Google it, and was surprised to find out that such a word existed.  Simply put, it means restoring a woman’s virginity through surgery.

Before you get any ideas, let me clarify that I didn’t go under the knife to “reconstruct” any body part.  The revirginization I’m going through is more emotional and mental than physical.  Okay, maybe partly physical, since I haven’t had any form of sexual encounter in ages.  I sometimes feel that my womanly parts are reconstructing themselves because of “lack of use”.  I am now teetering on TMI, so I better go back to the emotional and mental aspects of this revirginization.

I am a virgin once more (insert Madonna’s Like a Virgin song here).  I’m a virgin in the sense that on certain occasions, I feel as if I’m back to my old self- my pre-mommy self.  On weekends when my daughter is away at her dad’s, I feel like I’m reverting back to singleblessedness.

I go back to thinking only of myself, to sleeping in without considering the needs of a dependent, cute, pint-sized, precocious, sweet and loving child.

I start taking the time to really comb my hair, parting it in a way that highlights my face.  I take longer baths, pampering myself with a luxurious bath gel.

This revirginization is good, I realize.  It helps me reconnect with who I am.

And then, I feel a sharp pain shoot through my heart.  Yes, I miss my daughter so bad, I count the hours until she gets back.  Revirginization is healthy, though I feel that a part of me dies everytime she leaves…