Wake Me Up BEFORE September Ends

These past couple of months, I feel I have been stuck in a dating coma of sorts.  I was under the impression that I was taking a proactive role in dating by signing up for this online dating site and going out with a handful of men every week or so.  But as it turns out, my romantic life is far from flourishing.   My chances at finding true love are as imaginary as an upcoming Mayweather-Pacquiao match.

I feel that I’m simply going through the motions of dating.  I chat with men online, and then meet them in person.  We go through the entire getting-to-know-you conversation, and then nothing results from it.  It is tiring, I have to admit.  The whole ritual has become taxing on my emotions.

It’s not that I’m in a mad rush to have a partner for life.  I just want to connect with someone, but I don’t see any sparks flying off in every direction.  I don’t feel the giddiness of a schoolgirl on prom night.  However good the men look on paper, things don’t look so promising in real life.

My boss keeps telling me to stop holding up that “pick me” sign on my forehead.  Dates are not job interviews where you have to impress.  They’re supposed to be fun, and if anything, I’m the one who does the choosing.

A paradigm shift is in order, I guess.  Instead of using a shotgun approach when it comes to dating, I’ll go and join meetup groups where I could spend time with people who enjoy doing the same things I do.  That’s going to be a more worthwhile use of my time.

The alarm has gone off.  It’s time for me to finally wake up.

The One About Love (Or Lack Thereof!)

I can’t help it.  Toni Braxton’s Breathe Again- alternating with Color Me Badd’s All for Love- keeps playing inside my head.  Apart from the obvious fact that I’m stuck in a music time warp, I just feel that I’m in a non-Barry Manilow-ish, romantic mood.

I want to love and be loved again.  I miss holding hands, warm hugs, butterfly kisses… the works.  I want long walks on the beach, laughing in the rain.  I miss eating off each other’s plates, as he tucks strands of my hair behind my ear…

Oh dear, this is beginning to sound like something off an online dating site profile!

Personally, I don’t believe that love just happens.   You find love on purpose.  If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school.  If you want to find love, you look for it- or I guess more appropriately- you make things happen.  It’s not easy, but once you reap the rewards, there are simply no words to describe the joy which comes with it.

I’d probably flunk love school, if there was one.  It’s just been one failed relationship after another.  Despite my conscious efforts to not repeat old mistakes, somehow, things still fall apart.  It’s one of life’s mysteries which I may never have the answers to.

But I guess I won’t give up.  I can’t give up.  Life’s too short for that.  Although bruised all over, I have to get up and just go on.

One foot in front of the other…

The Unofficial Breakup

When my 7-year old daughter grows up, I have dreams of her becoming a doctor or a renowned guitar player.  But because of the incredible mind-reading skill she oh so effortlessly displayed just last night, I do believe she could also make it big as a psychic.

Right after we finished dancing and sweating to Wannabe by the Spice Girls, she sat me down and looked me squarely in the eye.  “Mama, are you ok?”, she asked.   She must have sensed a negative vibe from me.  I said, “Right now, I’m not really ok, but I know I will be.”  And then she gave me a tight 20-second hug, and for that brief moment, I was back in my happy place.

I wasn’t in the cheeriest of moods, because I had some shocking news from this guy I have been spending a lot of time with for the past 4 or 5 months.  He and I weren’t actually a couple- not enough reason to change my Facebook status- but we did share happy times together.  I was simply sad, knowing that we can no longer do the things we used to do.

This unofficial breakup tore me apart that night.  The tears involuntarily gushed down my cheeks like Niagara Falls.

I hope he doesn’t read this.  He doesn’t know… he never did know how I felt about him all…this…time…

I Wish I Had Facial Hair

No, you definitely are not looking at a typo, nor have I gone totally insane- at least I don’t think so!  I just sometimes wish I were male.  Yes, I wish was one of those chaps who burped on command and knew what RF coaxial connectors were all about.  If by some twist of fate I suddenly wake up to find myself a brewing pot of androgen, then I would be pleased, because I will then have transformed into a single dad.

 

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Single dads win over single moms in the attractiveness department.  Based on my observation, single fathers seem to have it much easier when it comes to snatching someone from the opposite sex.

You know how a single man walking around the park with a dog attracts women passing him by?  That’s pretty much how it works with single dads.  I don’t mean to compare kids to dogs (they’re both cute, by the way), but they somehow serve the same purpose- they both make single dads or men appealing.

When a woman meets a single dad, she gets the impression that he is nurturing, caring and loving.  Any man in touch with his feminine side scores points with the ladies on any given day.

On the other hand, when a man meets a single mom, she inevitably drops a notch or two on the sexiness scale.   The thought of “excess baggage” rears its ugly head and sometimes repels men, as if the woman had bad breath.

I guess that’s just how things are.  There are simply some stereotypes which we can’t readily shake off.

But then again, there are instances when it hardly matters whether a single woman has kids or not.  I do know some single moms who have found love in its truest form.  They have found real men who have accepted them despite their not-so-pleasant past.  Maybe I’m just jealous.

What’s your take on this?

 

4 Things I Learned This Weekend

  1. The World Series can be fun when you watch it with the one you love.  Baseball has always been as alien to me as sobriety is to Lindsay Lohan.  But this weekend, I finally learned how the game is played, and sincerely enjoyed watching it.  Although the concept of innings is still a bit of a blur to me, I pretty much have a firm grasp of the game- well enough to know when to applaud and when to curse the opposing team.
  2. A Quarter Pounder can be an expression of love.  Yes, burgers are the new flowers and chocolates.  I found it immensely sweet of Mr. Significant Other (SO) to think about what I was going to have for dinner as he was driving me home from our weekend together.  He stopped to buy me a quarter pounder to take home.  I chose something cheaper from the menu, but he insisted on the quarter pounder.
  3. Lemon-flavored beer tastes good.  Who would’ve thought?  It tasted like your regular beer with no aftertaste, and you can hardly notice any citrusy flavor.  I liked it.  On a scale of one to 10, I’d give it an 11.  Drinking it with your beloved while watching the World Series is highly recommended.
  4. A hug speaks volumes.  When he finally dropped me off, Mr. SO gave me a warm, tight hug as we said our goodbyes.  I felt a warm wave of love come over me, that my heart was about to burst from the love surge.

I can’t stop myself from doing a Julie Andrews and singing, “I must’ve done something good…”  When I think about it, I guess God is rewarding me for something good I’ve done in the past.  I am no angel, and I am severely flawed, so I am extremely overwhelmed for being blessed like this.   This wonderful weekend has made me the happiest woman on the face of the earth- let nobody tell you otherwise!

 

Yet Another Cheesy Post…

How can any woman in her right mind not fall in love with a man who pulls over to the side of the road, thumbs through his mp3 list, and chooses a song to sing to you in perfect pitch, complete with hand gestures?  Mr. SO has reincarnated in me an appreciation for Barry Manilow and The Carpenters.  Well, more than old songs, he has rekindled in me a sense of faith in true love.

He doesn’t give me flowers, but he buys me yummy ice cream, even on a rainy night.  He strips his fried chicken of its crunchy, MSG-rich skin and puts it on my plate- because he knows I love to eat chicken skin.  He buys me a week’s supply of my favorite creamy dessert.  He holds my hand as he shifts gears while driving.

I can go on all day about the wonderful things my man does to make me feel loved and special.  It doesn’t take much to make me feel like a spoiled Victoria Beckham, and Mr. SO seems to know how to keep me deliriously happy.

Whatever your special someone does for you, what’s important is you show him how much you value and appreciate his efforts.  A quick peck on the cheek or a shoulder rub at the end of the day- or giving him total domination over the TV remote control, as he watches his favorite game- is enough to show your man that you are thankful for the things he’s done for you.  That makes it all worthwhile.

What has your man done for you lately?

How I Met Your (Single) Mother

This post is inspired by the hit TV sitcom How I Met Your Mother.  This is the blog author’s version of the lead character’s past tense narration to his kids in the year 2030 about how he met their mother.  Whether or not the information presented henceforth is purely fictional or otherwise is for the author to know, and for you to find out…

Hey, kid! Wait, why do I still keep calling you a kid, when it’s been 20 years… twenty long, and beautiful years since I first met your mother.  I assume your attention span has grown along with you, so you probably won’t just suddenly get up and go while I’m in the middle of my story.   So, here goes… [Read more…]

Dating guide for single moms

Photo credit: Google Images

Everybody deserves to be happy, and single mothers are no exception to this. Oftentimes, we pour all our energies into taking care of our kids, that we forget the very person we should first take care of- ourselves. Looking for love the second, or even third, time around is something we should add to our to-do list. I don’t mean parading yourself online or at the nearest club on Saturday nights. Just be open to the possibility of finding love anew, and giving yourself a dose of that Zac Efron – Vanessa Hudgens (okay, they’ve broken up already!) love euphoria. A few simple rules to keep in mind when diving into the dating pool again:

Be happy. Bury all that emotional baggage. If you have a positive aura about you, you will attract men like a magnet attracts iron fillings.
Honesty is still the best policy. If the guy you’re going out with was introduced by a common friend, chances are, he already knows about your status. But if you just met by chance, don’t give him a rundown of your life history over the first cup of latte. Just let him know that you’re a single mom, so as not to throw him off-guard.

When you’re on a date, try to restrain yourself from talking too much about your kids. Immerse yourself in the moment, enjoy your date’s company. If you must say something about your kids, keep it down to five minutes tops.

Don’t feel guilty. Remember, you have to get out there and enjoy yourself too. You deserve to be made to feel special too. You don’t always have to be the giver of affections and care. Sometimes, it helps to be on the receiving end. Ultimately, your kids will benefit from your newfound positive outlook.

How to ease your kids into the idea of you dating again

Probably the most difficult thing for the kid of a single mom is to accept the fact that mommy might start dating again. This is because some kids hope in the deepest recesses of their hearts that mommy and daddy will get back together again. Some, on the other hand, just are not keen on the idea of sharing their mom’s attention with somebody else. As a single parent though, you must be aware that it would be healthy for you to start dating again, and that it isn’t something to delay until your kids are old enough. So, how do you get your kids used to the idea of you dating again?

Let your kids know about your plans. Tell them that you’d like to start dating again, but that doesn’t mean you’re seeking their permission, nor making any promises about the fate of your dating. You simply want to keep them in the loop on what your intentions are.

Give them an opportunity to express how they feel about your plans of dating again. Even if they can’t effectively verbalize their thoughts yet, what’s important is they are aware of their feelings and how your plans may affect them.

Do not stop spending quality time with your kids. You can assure your kids that they won’t lose you even if you start dating someone by continuing to spend time with them.

Overall, the goal is to show your kids that you love them wholeheartedly, and that if you date someone, that doesn’t mean you’re splitting your love between your kids and your date. In fact, you are expanding the circle of people whom you care deeply about.