When Your Kid Is The Bully

You can still vividly remember that day when you first dropped off your kid at school.  He was clinging to you like compression hosiery to a woman’s leg.  He was holding on to you for dear life, while wiping away the tears trickling down his chubby cheeks. 

Fast forward to today, you receive a call from his school guidance counselor, giving you not-so-pleasant news that your boy has just punched another kid in the nose.  You feel your entire world cave in as you try to make sense of that incredulous thing you’ve just heard.  Your precious kid has turned into something you’ve never dreamed of- a bully.

Bullying is a harsh reality which some school kids must face day in, day out.  But, what do you do if you’ve just been told that your kid is a bully?  As parents, we are compelled to dismiss any acts of aggression from our kids as normal behavior which they will soon outgrow.  But when other kids are getting hurt, both physically and emotionally, that is hardly “normal”, and it’s definitely time to take action. 

First of all, you must (at least, try) accept that your kid is a bully.  The label does shoot arrows straight to your heart, but you have to come to terms with it.  Once you’ve accepted your child’s untoward behavior, the next thing you could do is to assess your situation at home.  They may be mirroring behavior they see in you.  Do you show power when dealing with issues at home?  Do you show respect to your partner when you argue over an issue?

You can’t fight fire with fire, so it wouldn’t help to stop your kid from being a bully by bullying him yourself.  What you can do as a parent is to find an outlet for your child where he can excel.  It could be in the field of sports, music or fine arts.  Most forms of bullying are a desperate call for attention, so if your child is successful at football, for instance, and you praise him for it, he’ll realize that there is an alternative way to grab your attention.

If your little bully is showing symptoms of difficulty sleeping or eating, an underlying psychological problem may be in play here, so it’s best to consult his pediatrician for possible therapy.

The bully is just as much of a victim as the bullied.  If your kid is a bully, just support him throughout this dilemma.  Show him your love and understanding, and do whatever it takes to turn his behavior around.

About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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  1. rj's mama says

    good thing my son doesn’t bully anyone. hopefully i won’t have to go through the experience of being called by the guidance office because my son bullied another child

    Mom-ME time is up, hope you can join :)

  2. beanizer says

    my daughter doesn’t bully anyone, her ‘lil bro is the bully one when she gets home without food in her lunch box :P

    i have a nephew who doesn’t bully ‘lil kids, even his own classmates..but he bullies me though i don’t look like a punching bag. Anyways, you’re right, i have found the outlet where he excels and yup it’s kinda working often–you must play with him, watch his DVDs million times and ask for a share of his food..

  3. i come from a family of bullies. hehehe. anyway, it’s a little hard; it’s either one internalizes the bullying behavior or allows bullying as a normal part of his or her life. extremes are always bad. it’s quite interesting to see a post on a mom of a bully. usually kasi the common articles are about moms of kids who are bullied…

  4. I can’t imagine my daughter bullying another kid. I hope she grows up friendly and kind to others.

    Hi sis! Passing by while doing my Top 10. Hope you can visit me too. Btw, I’m also inviting you to join my giveaway. See ya! :)

  5. hello sis..my daughter has never been a bully..sya yung nabubully and sometimes she fights back when it is too much na..

    passing by sis..*hugs*

  6. “The bully is just as much of a victim as the bullied.” — I think that is one of the most important things to remember in this kind of situation! People never think about the bully as a victim, but of *course* they are, there is almost always an external factor that contributes to the bullying and, once solved, can help alleviate the reaction entirely!! Thanks for shedding light on this controversial topic.


  7. difficult situation for parents to be in. I do agree with what you said but may want to ask if it would also help explaining to him how bullying hurts others including you as a parent and that it makes you feel sad… etc. My little one is still very young and not going to school yet.. no one from my siblings were bullies too so I don’t have experience about this. But this is though provoking especially that any parent may experience having a child who is a bully.

    Thanks for the nice insight.

    Spanish Pinay

  8. The best thing to do is inform the school at the earliest convenience. Our Sydney psychologists firm deals with issues like this on a regular basis, and that is our first call to action.

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