Why you should forgive your ex

It’s all water under the bridge…bury the hatchet.  I can go on with endless clichés on letting go of the past and of forgiveness, but I’m sure most of you will agree with me that this is no walk in the park.  It’s never easy to forgive someone who has hurt you real bad.  You sometimes feel you need supernatural powers just to be able to absolve someone from how he, or she, crushed your heart to smithereens.

If you’re a single mom coming off a nasty divorce, forgiving your ex-husband proves to be a herculean task.  Those hate texts meant for him are just sitting in your cell phone’s drafts folder.  Whatever he has done to cut deep emotional slashes across your heart, the fact remains: you must forgive him.  But why?

For the kids.  They will grow up to be more emotionally stable despite the circumstances, if you show them that you are on good terms with their dad.  A sense of peace and calm will come over them, knowing that although mom and dad are no longer together, they can still talk without their voices going off the decibel scale.

Co-parenting.  You have to face the reality that you will still have to communicate with your ex especially when it comes to issues on raising your kids.  Since he is the biological father of your child, he will still have a say at things.  But if he doesn’t want to be involved, well, that’s another story.

Custody.  If you are cordial with your ex, he will respect and honor your custody agreement.  Whether custody of your child is a legal or internal arrangement between you two, he won’t think of arm-wrestling you just to ask for an extra day with your kid.  If he must, he can nicely request for any minor modifications in your custody agreement.  You can more easily negotiate days with the child if there’s no bad blood between you and your ex.

At the end of the day, it’s all about peace and goodwill.  Ultimately, everyone will benefit from an atmosphere of harmony.


About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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  1. I read this post with a smile on my face as I myself wrote a post today about how I signed an agreement to legally share custody of my son with his dad (up until today I had sole legal custody). This is a huge step for us and was done for alot of the reasons covered here in your post. Have I forgotten all the bad things my son’s father did to me? Not at all but I have decided to move on from them.

  2. I totally agree with you dito mare! as in :) swak na swak ehehe

  3. It’s really sad when couples separate and use the children to hurt each other and get even. I was a crisis counselor for battered women for 7 years and I’ve seen how a legal battle on child custody breaks women more than men. I remember one case when child was ordered to be placed in a temporary shelter by the court, pending litigation, because the parents were both insisting full custody and refuse to meet halfway for the sake of their child.

    Btw, Pepper, thanks for visiting my site http://eatpraylovetolive.com

  4. oo nga naman…we can’t forever live in hatred. bless your heart pep :D

  5. So glad I’m not on this category, but I agree there should be an open communication between the two parents, whether they like each other or not for the sake of the kid/s as this will have an impact on shaping their personalities.

  6. I do admire you sis…I think it would be hard for me if I wear your shoes (lalo na kung maliit paa mo, joke!) – I might do the opposite so if that time comes (pray not) I’d be reading this post again ;)

  7. Forgiving also helps you move on although I agree, it’s not easy.

  8. Shengkay says

    eh pano naman to forgive the father ng tatay ng anak mo eh hindi nga nya kinilala anak nya..
    ..pero tama pa rin..i think I could not be a good mother if there still pain nad galit sa puso..pero sabi mo nga its a herculan task to forgive..
    ..maliit pa naman baby ko..so I still have enough time to forgive siguro..for now..siepmre praying na ma-forgive ko din sya..

  9. yeah, you’re right. Actually, I forgive him already kaso bumabalik ung galit ko everytime he’s doing stupid things na alam kong nako-compromise ako at ang baby ko.

  10. It really takes a LOT of courage and determination to forgive. Only recently have I been able to say his name. You’re right, for peace. At the end of the day it’s not about them, it’s about our kids.

  11. I remember an individual case when children was ordered that should be placed in a fabulous temporary shelter by way of the court, pending litigation, because the fathers and mothers were both making it mandatory full custody and typically meet halfway in the interest of their child.

  12. Hatred begets hatred. Love begets love. Forgiveness begets forgiveness. To buy peace of mind, forgiveness must be accorded to the one who did something wrong to the other if he asks for it. Grudges, ill feelings and resentments, even indifference, won’t just wok to straighten things up. Children of divorcees would greatly benefit from the mended relationship of their parents. It will surely lessen the tension and pressure felt by them.

  13. Well Kindness will get you farther in life we all must remember that life is a simple chain of events the actions we take today will manifest either in the near future but in most cases it will be years down the line.

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