Soulmates R Us

Wouldn’t it be absolutely convenient if you could simply hop on our car and drive to the nearest Soulmates R Us outlet to find yourself the man of your dreams?   All you need to do is scour the aisles for a man whose specifications match yours and you’re good to go.  But wait, there’s more… Soulmates R Us is gender-sensitive, so if you’re the type who prefers a same-sex match, there is a special section for you.  In a perfect world, nobody is left behind.

If only it were that easy.  But we all know that life is far from easy.  You could however, take consolation in the fact that you are not alone in thinking that the universe is conspiring against your finding the man- or woman- of your dreams.  Michael Jackson was lucky he found the perfect glove to match his hand, while the not-so-fortunate among us are still on the perennial quest to find that glove-match.  We go through a series of hits and misses when diving into the dating pool, only to end up with hearts weary from all the endless heartache and disappointment.

What is a soulmate anyway?  The idea of a soulmate has its origins in the belief in reincarnation and all that karmic, cosmic energy.  I am no guru when it comes to that, so you can either believe me or think that I’m just pulling your leg.  All I know is, there is this belief that the “creator” takes a soul, and splits it in half as they each take on a human form.  They go through life, learning lessons along the way, and sometimes their paths cross.  When they do, they feel a strange connection and that they “complete each other”.

Nowadays, we often use the word “soulmate” so casually as if it were as common as a cinema “exit” sign.  We hardly even know what it really means.  We call anybody whom we fall head over heels in love with our soulmate.  We call someone we’ve locked eyes with at a coffee shop our soulmate.

However which way we want to call it, it all boils down to one thing: we are on the prowl- or, to put it more decently, on the search- for someone to make us feel whole.  We long for that Jerry-Maguire-you-complete-me person to fill our days and nights with endless wonder.  At the end of the day, we just want someone to give us a backrub and tell us that we’re gorgeous as hell.

How I Met Your (Single) Mother

This post is inspired by the hit TV sitcom How I Met Your Mother.  This is the blog author’s version of the lead character’s past tense narration to his kids in the year 2030 about how he met their mother.  Whether or not the information presented henceforth is purely fictional or otherwise is for the author to know, and for you to find out…

Hey, kid! Wait, why do I still keep calling you a kid, when it’s been 20 years… twenty long, and beautiful years since I first met your mother.  I assume your attention span has grown along with you, so you probably won’t just suddenly get up and go while I’m in the middle of my story.   So, here goes… [Read more…]

10 Commandments for Dating a Single Mom

You knew you wanted her the first time you laid eyes on her.  Even from a far, you could tell that she had just the right blend of spunk, personality and looks.  You approached her ever so discreetly, and managed to start a conversation with her.  Fast forward to today, you have been dating her for quite some time now.  Right off the bat, she was honest enough to tell you that she was a single mother, and you had no qualms about it.  If you’re keen on pursuing a relationship with your single mom, do honor these 10 commandments for dating her: [Read more…]

How and when to introduce your kids to someone you’re seriously dating

You’ve been going out with this guy, er, man for quite some time now, and you feel you want to add a new dimension to your relationship by introducing him to your kid. Slow down, cowgirl! Letting your child in on your romantic endeavors is easier said than done. And of course, there is a right time for everything. Remember to think first before acting on gut feel. Sure, your significant other has given you rose-tinted glasses with which to view the world, but introducing him to your kid at the inopportune time might just break that newfound positive outlook on life.

There is no exact time frame to determine when the proper time is to introduce your special someone to your child. It varies from person to person. It depends on the level of commitment you both are in. If you both see yours as a lifelong relationship, even after seeing each other for only a month, then that may be a good sign. On the other hand, you may have been dating this man for 2 years now, but don’t really see the relationship going anywhere further than sharing a hot cup of latte after a sweaty game of pingpong. Then, this guy is best pigeonholed in the “friends” department.

It’s essential to assess how easily your child gets attached to people. If she tends to easily get attached to someone, better save the introductions until the time when you’re sure that the relationship has a future. Otherwise, your kid may develop some resentment and feel pain if and when your relationship with your significant other gets sour. The pain of loss may be too much for her, and you, to bear.

When you do decide that it’s time, start easy. Take your kid with you and your boyfriend to a kid-friendly place, or a picnic maybe. Introduce your man as your friend. Dividing your attention between these two special people in your life will be a skill you’ll have to master. Your kid may need more of that, since this new person you introduced to him or her poses as a threat, or competition when it comes to gaining your love and attention. If your man truly loves you, he’ll understand.

Dating guide for single moms

Photo credit: Google Images

Everybody deserves to be happy, and single mothers are no exception to this. Oftentimes, we pour all our energies into taking care of our kids, that we forget the very person we should first take care of- ourselves. Looking for love the second, or even third, time around is something we should add to our to-do list. I don’t mean parading yourself online or at the nearest club on Saturday nights. Just be open to the possibility of finding love anew, and giving yourself a dose of that Zac Efron – Vanessa Hudgens (okay, they’ve broken up already!) love euphoria. A few simple rules to keep in mind when diving into the dating pool again:

Be happy. Bury all that emotional baggage. If you have a positive aura about you, you will attract men like a magnet attracts iron fillings.
Honesty is still the best policy. If the guy you’re going out with was introduced by a common friend, chances are, he already knows about your status. But if you just met by chance, don’t give him a rundown of your life history over the first cup of latte. Just let him know that you’re a single mom, so as not to throw him off-guard.

When you’re on a date, try to restrain yourself from talking too much about your kids. Immerse yourself in the moment, enjoy your date’s company. If you must say something about your kids, keep it down to five minutes tops.

Don’t feel guilty. Remember, you have to get out there and enjoy yourself too. You deserve to be made to feel special too. You don’t always have to be the giver of affections and care. Sometimes, it helps to be on the receiving end. Ultimately, your kids will benefit from your newfound positive outlook.

How to ease your kids into the idea of you dating again

Probably the most difficult thing for the kid of a single mom is to accept the fact that mommy might start dating again. This is because some kids hope in the deepest recesses of their hearts that mommy and daddy will get back together again. Some, on the other hand, just are not keen on the idea of sharing their mom’s attention with somebody else. As a single parent though, you must be aware that it would be healthy for you to start dating again, and that it isn’t something to delay until your kids are old enough. So, how do you get your kids used to the idea of you dating again?

Let your kids know about your plans. Tell them that you’d like to start dating again, but that doesn’t mean you’re seeking their permission, nor making any promises about the fate of your dating. You simply want to keep them in the loop on what your intentions are.

Give them an opportunity to express how they feel about your plans of dating again. Even if they can’t effectively verbalize their thoughts yet, what’s important is they are aware of their feelings and how your plans may affect them.

Do not stop spending quality time with your kids. You can assure your kids that they won’t lose you even if you start dating someone by continuing to spend time with them.

Overall, the goal is to show your kids that you love them wholeheartedly, and that if you date someone, that doesn’t mean you’re splitting your love between your kids and your date. In fact, you are expanding the circle of people whom you care deeply about.

Macho Men Love Single Moms

The reason I am growing my hair long is not that I want to do an impression of Rapunzel and star in my own Tangled movie. I don’t intend on luring a prince with my long, braided locks, at the risk of getting split ends if I let him use it as a harness to sneak up that lofty castle just to meet with me. Snatching a guy in real life need not be hard on our tresses. Our innate wit and charm are enough to enamor men. For us single moms, though, that seems easier said than done. [Read more…]