Coping With the Absent Father Syndrome

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I guess it’s safe to say that most, if not all of us grew up with the idea that the father is the head of the family.  No family is complete without the head, just as no living body is anatomically complete without a head above it.  But what if the family has no head? What if, for one reason or another, a father figure is lacking in the family picture?  Can a mother and her kids alone still thrive as a normal family?

The answer, of course, is a resounding “yes!”  Families nowadays no longer strictly comprise of father, mother, brother, sister and the family dog.  The white picket fence has been replaced with a rundown condo parking slot.  Single parent families are now a dime a dozen, and they prove to produce well-raised kids despite the circumstances.  So, how can you cope with an absent father situation?

Call.  This is what your kid’s dad should do everyday.  Even if that means he has to briefly chat with your kid as he walks to his car from the office.  You can never underestimate the power of communication.  Although his father’s away, your kid won’t feel his absence if he makes it a habit to call everyday, just to ask how your kid’s day went.

Listen. More than talking, your kid’s dad should learn the art of listening to his kids.  He should show a genuine interest in your kid’s ramblings.

Build.  The relationship, that is.  Even if it’s just over Skype, your kid’s dad must try to connect with his kids.  He should start learning the lyrics to Katy Perry’s Firework (or is it Fireworks?) , so they can sing together via webcam.

If your kid’s father is out of the country because of work, or if your kid’s father is now your ex-husband, you can still work around that.  A little effort goes a long way.

 

 

About Pepper

I am a single working mom, trying to raise my kid the best way I know how. Join me as I navigate my way through the jungle that is Single Mom-hood, armed with rose-colored glasses and strength of spirit. As pepper adds spice to food, so does my daughter add spice to my life. She makes life no less than…PEPPERRIFIC!

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Comments

  1. Mommy Dharlz says

    i agree with you

  2. An individual, ,regardless of how they grew up, with or without one of the parents,it doesn’t make them much less of a person. God make all things beautiful and that includes each and everyone of us and yes, family nowadays have a broader meaning than the old days, unfortunately,still many people can’t accept changes and got stuck in their own little “perfect imaginary” world.

  3. I’m back ms.Pepper medyo na struck lang po ako..ang tagal naman na po ng 3 years po..yung sa akin po kasi he has no right to hinder or tutulan yung process kasi child abuse ang katapat po nya..honestly the grounds po on my annulment are that heavy sexually abused din po ako..kaya po it took 6 months lang po hopefully it will be finished this July..we are on the same boat po pala..*hugs po*..kakayanin po natin para sa kids :)

  4. is this post for me Ms.Pepper? hehehe..I can relate po because there is only the three of us-me and my 2 kids..I have filed an annulment and it will end up 1st week of July..it is actually hard to cope up not only because there is no fatherly figure but on my case that we had been physically abused it would be best to have a broken family rather than my kids being broken in the end..

    A fatherly figure is most important but I’d rather be a father and a mother to my children than having someone who is physically present but hurting my kids-it gives a deepest pain for a every mom..it really hurts..

    what I do?..So far even without him..the truth is my kids and I are far more happier than before..I can bridge the gap and be a father and mother to them..kakayanin lahat naman natin lalo na kung nanay ka..everything for your kids..that’s what we mothers are made of :) ..magandang umaga Ms.Pepper :)

  5. Am i reading this right? We’re in unison, hahah!

    But seriously, I really agree pretty much to what has been said here. It’s a case to case basis naman kasi. We moms can only do so much pagdating sa mga pasaway na husband. Kung ayaw nila kamuhian ng anak then they should know what to do. Pero may mga tao talaga na sadyang walang pakialam kaya tama si mommy Kat, let the kids decide na lang along the way.

    I’ve been separated too for 7 years now. Ang di ko lang maintindihan, ayaw nya ng annulment. Anyway, I believe in one way or another God will find a way. And so goes to all of us here. Haay, kaloka! Who would know na iilan din pala tayong PMC members who are on the same boat.

    Well, cheers to us mommies. The absence of a partner to help us grow our children doesn’t make us any less of a person really. :)

  6. I let my kids decide if they still want to communicate with their father dahil may mga isip na sila. My eldest ay sobrang galit sa babaero nilang ama hahaha.

    We’re separated for almost 10 years na. thanks for the visit anyway sis.

  7. JennyBean says

    You’re so right, Pepper. It’s important to let bygones be bygones and to help children cultivate a relationship with their fathers.

    ;-)

  8. wonderfully written pep. :D God bless you!

  9. Yes, I think it is important to try and keep the father in the child’s life. Just wanted to add that there are many types of families today, and that there are single housholds with no co-parent (I am a single mother by choice, which means my daughter doesn’t have a father at all…)

    P.S
    Thanks for the links :-).

  10. I grew up without a father so I guess I am open to the idea of single parenthood. I already know that women are bad-ass! *lol*

    Though I’m still hoping for the white picket fence kind of life because its something I never had. I want my future kids to grow up without bitterness in their heart.

  11. I don’t know how to respond to this. Most of my friends whose dad’s are out of the picture, don’t want anything to do with them.

  12. Great post, and I like the analogy with the body. But besides absent father syndrome there are more and more families that have absolutely no father. Look at all those celebrity moms who adopt children, without having a partner. I really wonder sometimes if this is a good thing….

  13. such very good advice. Even if the dad is in the home, really listening after a long day is sometimes a chore but it really pays off.

  14. Carla Barilá Karam says

    Pepper… great post~! Well said!! Grace, peace and blessings.. Carla

  15. Good tips and they are very true! Single parents should put just as much effort in, if not more as coupled parents.

  16. These are some great tips. I was fortunate to have a very involved dad, even though my parents were divorced, and he did many of these things. I always knew that he knew what was going on with me and that he cared and that made a huge difference!

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