Your Kids Don’t Come First

Change is good.  It always is.  And I have to say that I just recently had an epiphany of sorts, and it has altered the way I think and feel in ways I could only previously imagine.

I feel that I have always been overly dependent on my daughter.   I almost feel sorry for putting her in a position where she was my wellspring of happiness and self-worth.  I knew that on a subconscious level, the reason “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” from Frozen keeps playing inside my head is that I have associated it with my daughter.  Whatever she likes, I like too.  It’s as if I’ve lost my identity and wrapped myself emotionally and mentally around her.  That’s just totally unhealthy.

She was my number one.  Everything else took a step back.  But when I started reading the Wealthy Single Mommy blog, I learned how important it is that we don’t put our kids first.

Now before you feed me to the lions, hear me out.

Yes, I love my daughter.  I love her to the moon and back.  But that doesn’t mean that I live for her.  That she’s the reason for my existence.  Eventually, she’ll grow up and have a life of her own.

My job now is to be an example to her, to show her what it’s like to live a full and rich life.  I have to show her that it’s not her obligation to make me happy, that I can do that by myself.

I realize how my old mindset has carried over to my just-recently-ended romantic relationship.  Probably one of the reasons it didn’t work out, was because my then boyfriend saw how much of a doting mother I was to my daughter.  He felt out of place.  He felt less than important.  If I knew then what I know now, it would have made a whole world of difference.

My daughter is staying at her Dad’s for two weeks.  I’m at the halfway mark, and I’m proud to say that I no longer achingly pine away for her.  The gassy anxiety spells I used to have are now a thing of the past.  I enjoy my time alone, like a normal and healthy adult should.

If and when love comes knocking on my door again, I’ll know better to give him the attention he needs and deserves.  If he asks me out to a Gin Blossoms concert even on a weeknight, I’ll go.

Happy parents make happier kids.  If you know how to take care of yourself, then you’ll be better and more effective at taking care of your children.  That’s how it all adds up in the parenting equation.

This One’s For Him

DISCLAIMER:  Be warned that this post is high in cheese content.  If you cannot stand any more mozzarella or cheddar, then leave now.  Otherwise, read on and witness how this particular post rates high in the cheesiness scale.  I’m not particularly one who is comfortable exposing her feelings in a blog post, but I guess, exceptions are acceptable once in a while.  It’s not as if I’m washing my dirty laundry in public, because if anything, this post is akin to showing off my knickers in all their godly cleanliness.

I hardly consider myself a poet, so I won’t try to be one.  As much as I would like to write a much-deserved ode to Mr. SO (Significant Other), all I could come up with is a comprehensive list of why I love him:

  • He thinks about having my car fixed.   He gets up early in the morning to come over and give me a much-needed hand with car repairs.
  • His patience stretches far and wide.  He has continued to bear with my somewhat frequent emotional eccentricities.  He continues to love me despite my shortcomings, and accepts me for who I am, imperfections and all.
  • He is fiercely loyal.  Staying true to the woman he loves is almost tattooed on his skin.  It’s an unwritten rule for him to be faithful to the one he loves.
  • He is God-fearing.  A man who has a steadfast faith in God is, without a doubt, somebody who would never do anything to hurt his woman.  He has a conscience which works overtime at helping him discern which is right from wrong.
  • He speaks softly, but carries a big stick.  He is mild-mannered and slow to anger (well, maybe except when someone cuts him off at an intersection).  Silent waters do run deep, and he is one emotional and intellectual Marianas Trench- with a sense of humor to boot.

That’s enough cheese for now.  Obviously, I love the man to bits.  Happy birthday, Mr. SO!

How I Met Your (Single) Mother

This post is inspired by the hit TV sitcom How I Met Your Mother.  This is the blog author’s version of the lead character’s past tense narration to his kids in the year 2030 about how he met their mother.  Whether or not the information presented henceforth is purely fictional or otherwise is for the author to know, and for you to find out…

Hey, kid! Wait, why do I still keep calling you a kid, when it’s been 20 years… twenty long, and beautiful years since I first met your mother.  I assume your attention span has grown along with you, so you probably won’t just suddenly get up and go while I’m in the middle of my story.   So, here goes… [Read more…]